Hi, it’s me, the woman you’re always asking when she’s going to have kids.
Well, after a decade of silence, I am finally ready to answer you. Although I feel that the pressure on women to have children is absurd, and that any woman should be respected for her choice not to have them, I will explain to you why I personally am not:
HAVING CHILDREN IS A CORPORATE SCHEME INVENTED BY TOY COMPANIES!!!
Think about it! If there were no children, how would these companies survive? When was the last time you saw a child without a toy?!
I can no longer sit idly by as these conglomerates brainwash innocent civilians into thinking they should have kids. It’s so obvious we are convinced to have kids to feed the toy industry. Mattel, the first toy company, was incorporated in 1947, and since then has done a remarkably thorough job of convincing society that having children is not only necessary, but good!
Let’s look at the facts, shall we?
A reliable statistic I found by Googling and clicking on the first search result says that children on average are bought $336-worth of toys per year! Why aren’t we seeing these statistics? Why isn’t everyone talking about them? Because these numbers are being buried by Big Playdate! Well no more.
Toys R Us? Nice try. Toys haven’t been us for a loooooong time. TOYS R THEM!
The toys are even used against grown ups now! For over half a century, Big Playdate has covered up the fact that children are sacks of poop smeared all over with poop. Now, they’re producing nostalgia toys to keep distracting grown ups from that obvious fact. How else could we be tricked into producing them?? I don’t need some disgusting, loud poop machine with a cloud of toys constantly orbiting it to make my life feel fulfilled. I have internet rants for that.
Chubby cheeks and wide grins? You’re better off shoving thousands of dollars up your uterus and leaving it there.
(Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love children. But I’m not falling for the urges of my body that were put there by greedy, money-grubbing monsters.)
Open your eyes, sheeple, and quit making lambs! I’m not giving birth to a scam!
Sorry, I don’t mean to press my opinions on anyone. Everyone has a right to make their own decision. I just want to make sure you receive all the facts before you sacrifice your life in pursuit of toys to feed your unnecessary children.
Remember: Toy begets toy begets toy until you are nothing but a toy yourself… a hard, plastic shell with nothing of real value inside.
For more information, please check out my 47-minute long video blog that will send you spiraling into depths of the internet you didn’t think were possible. But don’t let anyone brainwash you!