There was a recent Huffington Post article titled "2013 Was The Year for Cultural Appropriation". This seems like it could be a poignant article juxtaposing the cross cultural differences between black and white people in this modern society that might not yet be worn out by open mic comedians. However, the links floating around social media titled the same piece "Here are the things white people stole from black people this year".
Yuck. So in response, here is a short list that is simply titled:
"Black people have always stolen from white people"
The classic yet all too easy to forget stereotype of black men. They love white women! Ahhem...so do us white boys. But no. You black dudes just swoop in layered with complex and pricy smell good, with your nice cars, being well dressed with impeccable manners and just take our women. What about us?! We deserve them! After all, we are white which makes us entitled to them. Plain and simple, that's how being white works. Please return them to us at your earliest convenience. We have some very drab social affairs to attend and we will be needing a proper white woman that will resent us in the long run. Thanks.
Dressing like a nerd
Not only did white people put being a nerd into the main stream media, but we also made it cool. I remember a not so distant Friday night ago..and oh thank goodness it was Friday, where black people villainized their own for being a nerd! They weren't cool, they couldn't function in any social situation without their nerdiness getting in the way, and most certainly couldn't get the girl unless they invented a machine that changed the very core of their being! Please, just let us have nerds back. It was one of the few things we were doing better than you, even though you are doing a much better job with it currently.
Shakespeare wrote incredibly catchy and in almost exclusively incomprehensible language. Sound familiar? Billy S. is the OG of iambic pentameter and was a man of the people. He began as a poet and moved into becoming a playwright (see. "Are We There Yet"). Sorry Ice...you stole it. And I think we can all agree that using Auto Tune has got to stop. And yes, you stole that from us good white folks as well. Cher has not only been borrowed on several occasions by black men, but she is recorded as the first artist to produce a songbending the intended purpose of auto tune to create the now popularized and vastly overused effect in pop music. But I think we can come together on one thing? Let's just get rid of it altogether.
We invented sports. The Olympics, baseball...and I know you may not want to hear it but it has to be said. We also invented basketball. Modern day athletics stems all the way back to the ancient Greeks where white men would compete in the most awe inspiring tests of strength, endurance and perseverance. Sure, most of these events were performed in the nude, but so what? That's how we wanted it so that's how it happened. Sure, athletics are at an all time high with major sports being the most exciting, competitive and profitable they have ever been with an amazing diversity of race, color, creed and religions being represented without prejudice. Hell, 3 of the top 5 highest paid athletes in 2013 are black! But for those of you who aren't white, just remember...we invented sports. If you would like to continue to play in our contests, you will have to do it in the nude like we use to. Those are the new rules and it's only fair.