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January 05, 2017

The truth behind the unofficial mascot of January

It’s the most popular time of the year at the gym, so what better time to ask:
Why has the old guy in the gym locker room still not put on any clothes?

1. Out of respect for all those we lost last year
Last year brought great loss, and we all pay our respects differently.

2. He’s counting his spots
He was almost to a thousand before you distracted him. Now he has to start all over.

3. To be sure you recognize him from last January
This is a very important reunion to him. Those last fifty weeks without you were tough on the old guy.

4. He’s been in the locker room since before clothes were widely in use
The world out there is very different now, and he can’t bring himself to face it.

5. He has too much class to dress himself
How long will it take this gym to realize that? He can wait.

6. He traded his clothes to the devil for eternal life
But the cruel irony is now he can never leave this locker room to go out and enjoy it.

7. Nope. Turns out he’s been dead for days
It’s just that no one thought to go up and poke him.