1. Approximately how many times per episode is Kris Jenner told to “Fuck off” by her grown adult daughters?
A.) At least once every scene.
C.) More times than a regular human should be able to bear in a lifetime.
D.) Depends. For example if it’s a Khloe heavy episode and/or the episode title includes the word “Momager” then the amount is likely increased ten-fold.
2. Currently, how many dogs does Kylie Jenner own but most certainly not care for?
A.) A couple dozen or so
C.) Well she receives at least 3 puppies as “gifts” on her birthday each year so she’s probably shepherding a decent-sized herd at this point.
D.) According to her Snapchat, her puppy just birthed more puppies…however, she maintains a cyclical rotation - forcing older dogs onto her army of assistants once she’s bored with the fact that they’re no longer puppies - keeping her dog count at a steady 14 at all times.
3. The following storylines are reoccurring classics carried over from season to season except for:
A.) Kendall desperately trying to keep her family away from her high-fashion modeling gigs while continuing to live in a delusional world where her supermodel success is a result of her hard work rather than Kim’s sex tape.
B.) Kourtney kicking a drunk and belligerent Scott out of the house when he refuses to eat her placenta from yet another baby she decided to have with him.
C.) Kim being boring as hell.
D.) Kylie acting like a regular teen who does normal teenager stuff.
E.) The sisters teaming up to harass Rob about getting his shit together resulting in Rob closing himself off even further & spiraling deeper into a binge-eating induced depression.
4. The countless men the Kardashian/Jenners have dated over the past 13 seasons have all shared the same 3 occupations between them. Which occupation does not belong?
B.) NBA Basketball player
C.) Orthopedic Surgeon
D.) Professional fuck boi AKA the only white dude.
5. Gun to your head, explain the nightmarish nature the following couples have in relation to each other: Rob Kardashian/Black Chyna + Tyga/Kylie Jenner
A.) Rob Kardashian has a baby with Blac Chyna who has a baby with Tyga who is dating Kylie Jenner who is Rob Kardashian’s half-sister.
B.) Blac Chyna’s baby daddy, Tyga, is dating Kylie Jenner who is also the sister of Blac Chyna’s baby daddy, Rob.
C.) Blac Chyna is the baby mama to Tyga and Rob who both also happen to be the boyfriend and brother to Kylie.
D.) All of the above.
E.) THIS JUST IN: they’re actually all broken up now IRL. I am shocked, who could’ve predicted this outcome?? (besides every human on this earth who possesses the ability to think rationally)
F.) Pull the trigger because I’d literally rather die than answer this.
6. True or False: French Montana, Blac Chyna, Tyga, Ray-J, ASAP Rocky, and Scott are all names of actual humans that the Kardashians have been romantically linked to on the show.
7. Which of the following facts about these well-known supporting characters is false?
A.) When Scott Disick’s parents died within a month of each other, he chose to mourn their deaths just as he did the birth of each of his children: by getting sloshed at a paid appearance at 1OAK.
B.) French Montana has uttered a complete coherent sentence a total of two times in his lifetime, one of which was caught on the show.
C.) For an entire year Blac Chyna and her accomplice Amber Rose hid out in an underground bunker while devising an elaborate plan that resulted in the birth of Dream Kardashian and the general public (besides Rob Kardashian) acknowledging that she’s a manipulative genius who’s also bat-shit crazy.
D.) Lamar Odom lies awake each night secretly wishing that Khloe & those hookers would’ve left him for dead.
8. Which of the following is not the name of a Kardashian child offspring?
9. The 13th season of KUWTK premiered this past month. The series has been around for 10 years in total. A true fan from the beginning would know that:
A.) Oh my god I actually chose to watch this garbage family for an entire decade…how have I allowed this to happen what have I done
B.) Jonathan Cheban has literally no purpose – on the show or in life.
C.) All things considered, Kris Jenner fucking slays managing her shitty kids’ careers and the fact that she supports all that they do, including Rob’s half-assed sock line, and ALSO accepts/loves every bastard grandchild they produce means that she deserves every ounce of Cory’s fine-30 years her junior-ass – honestly Kris should take her kids’ earnings and pull a Caitlyn Jenner (lock herself in an isolated mansion in Malibu so that she can fully transform into a shit-talking force of nature dedicated to slandering the Kardashian name with reckless abandon to any tabloid willing to listen.)
D.) Seriously still having an internal meltdown right now about the excessive amount of time I’ve wasted watching 13 seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians: only on E! Tune in this Sunday at 9/8c to hear Kim give her exclusive detailed account of the harrowing Paris burglary in a way that makes you feel like she a little bit deserved it. #KUWTK
E.) All of the above.
CHECK YOUR ANSWERS TO SEE HOW YOU DID!
1. Either C. or D.
5. F. (please wait until after completion of quiz)
6. Holy fucking shit it’s TRUE.
7. B. (zero coherent sentences)
8. D. (Yeezus is Son of God)