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March 31, 2016
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My dad, Kim Jong-il, creator of rainbows, was a glorious man.


Kim Jong-un
Supreme Leader, Humorist

When Democratic People’s Republic of Korea took control of Funny Death Choose, our mission was to create an endless supply of hilarious content for the dogs who use the internet, those who fill their lives with videos of boys who just visited the dentists. Have you seen that one? It’s what American cows call “Oldie But A Goodie.” They have sayings for everything. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” That’s another of my favorites. I slap my knee when I hear that one. “Where’s the beef?” It’s funny because I ingested it all.

But today I’m not here to talk to you about humor. I’m here to talk to you about a serious topic:

My dad. I miss him.

My dad, Kim Jong-il, creator of rainbows, was glorious man. Every day when I was a boy he inspired me to become supreme leader I am today. I remember when he said things like “I invented tennis” and “Here, let me cut your hair. You look like a Japanese girl.”

I love him.

Without my dad, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea would not exist. Kim Jong-il, inventor of food, once told me “Go away I’m riding unicorns.” He was always riding unicorns.

Now he rides unicorns in the sky. Because he is dead.

Look. Here is my dad looking at the buffet he just invented!

kim-jong-il-looking-at-things-205.jpg

One time he had an idea for a machine that creates water and brings it to you. Here he is putting on a demonstration.

kim jong il sink.jpg

I want to go hug him. I want to hug the air out of him. Perhaps you have heard of air? The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea did not have it until my father, Kim Jong-il, creator of air, brought it to us. I found a photo of him on the day he first showed it to our strong nation.

kim-jong-il-air.jpg

That was the early days when he only created a small portion of air. He said we were strong enough to only need that much. After years of hard work, he created even more air.

kim-jong-il-air-2.jpg

Look. Here is my dad looking at another buffet he invented!

kim jong il buffet.jpg

Not a day goes by where I do not think about Kim Jong-il, first man to ever go swimming. Below I will share my favorite photograph of my dad. We are on vacation with his closest friends. He said to me, “My idiot son wants to be in a photo."It was the best day of my life.

kim jong il vacation.jpg

Notice the framing and how my father pulls focus.

He invented that.

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