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June 18, 2014

A rare peak into the mind of an asshole.

Leaked Memo from Washington Redksins owner Daniel Snyder

TO: Washington Redskins Organization
FROM: Daniel Snyder, Team Owner
RE: Our Beloved Name and Logo

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you, the wonderful supporting staff at the Washington Redskins head office, that those liberal bastards are going to kill our historic and utterly non-offensive team name and logo.

Please review the front runners in our current crop of possible replacements. We worked hard on these and designed them all to appeal to the sensibility of an average American. Please let us know which you prefer!


I’d love to see this on one of our fans who is carrying a gun somewhere totally sensible in public - like a Chipotle or a public playground, etc.


I like the nostalgia of this one. Remember the good old days, when a man could really put his wife in her place? You know, that’s where the phrase ‘rule of thumb’ comes from. A man wasn’t allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. LOL!


This one is testing well among the players - they sure love their “tattoos”!


I can’t actually comment on this one pending UNRELATED litigation.

Seriously, though - you ladies need to stop flaunting it so much in public. You send us guys mixed messages with all your skirts and blouses and what not.


The NFL really doesn’t like this one, but I love the smiley guy. He just seems so cheery!


This is my favorite. You guys know I donated to the Romney campaign, right? I know a winner when I see one.

I swear Obama is behind ALL of this business. I mean, sure, he did eventually provide his birth certificate, but it seemed fake. And he sure was uppity about the whole thing.

In closing, please join me in singing our ORIGINAL, and also NOT REMOTELY OFFENSIVE, team fight song:

Hail to the Redskins!

Hail, victory!

Braves on the warpath!

Fight for Old D.C.!

Scalp ‘em, swamp 'um

We will take 'um big score

Read 'um, Weep 'um, touchdown

We want heap more

Fight on, fight on, till you have won

Sons of Washington

Rah! Rah! Rah!