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August 18, 2009


Yum, yum, yum, yum! Is that a bar of man candy or what? A cardigan and no shirt! Naked boney chest? Greasy stoner hair? Too sexy! I must stop lest I offend the lesser men who may be reading this, but...hot damn! Not only is Adrian Brody wearing a fedora, certainly the least douche-y of all hats, it's made of straw. Of course! Why doesn't anyone wear straw fedoras to premieres? They're so sexy they're practically illegal, that's why! The bounds of cool are broken and the world must readjust. But wait, there's more! Do my hungry eyes spy a cardigan, a cardigan I own as well, worn without a shirt underneath? I wear mine to my receptionist job, but shirtless to a Boss Orange promotional event? I never thought of that! Stupid! What is sexier than when a man wears the clothing a lady receptionist would wear? I know! Nothing! Wait though, it gets better! That oily chest feels a little naked, doesn't it? It needs a little...something. Ah, yes, the accessory of golden labs and cowboys would be just the thing. Turn to the left, turn to the right. Pose like the gorilla you hunted in King Kong, more, more, yes. Look sleepy and high. More, more, more. Right there. Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner.