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June 08, 2011

You ever see those top ten lists of do's and don'ts in magazines like Cosmo and Vogue. These are like those but way better and with a male perspective.

"10 things guys and gals should not do on a first date" (No particular order)


10. Don't blow another dude

9. Don't eat pork rinds

8. Don't stick a finger in his asshole (That's second date)

7. Don't tell stories with the caveat that, "You had to be there". Even if you were there you wouldn't find it remotely funny.

6. Don't tell "funny stories" about your cat. Nobody cares about your cat. Nobody

5. Don't forget to clean that shit up downstairs. 70's bush, landing strip, and bare are all acceptable. Have some kind of style though. Make it your own and treat it like you're gonna walk it down a runway at Bryant Park during Fashion Week. DON'T HAVE A BORING VAGINA!

4. Don't deny the holocaust

3. Don't mention your children

2. Don't drop acid

1. Don't pull out a dick


10. Don't talk about golf

9. Don't hand grenade a fart in her face while making an explosion sound

8. Don't act like a pussy (Yes you Williamsburg men)

7. Don't quote "Wedding Crashers"

6. Don't go straight for anal. Although progressive and daring, it's not very gentlemanly-like.

5. Don't take her to see a dirty movie (The "Taxi Driver" rule)

4. Don't show her your aryan brotherhood tattoo from prison

3. Don't mention your children

2. Don't let her pay for anything you cheap motherfucker. If she offers to pay, it's nothing more than a courtesy. If you can't pay for at least the first date, you shouldn't be dating.

1. Don't date rape