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May 19, 2016
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Google Voice aims to outperform current home agent competitors by offering a product that is easy to use, seamlessly integrated with other Google technology, and sexy AF.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Google Home Promises Sexy, In-Home Experience

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA (May 18, 2016) – Google is thrilled to announce the launch of Google Home, a voice-activated hardware console that can assist with everyday tasks (like playing music or ordering food). It will be released later this year, and, dare we say it, is sexy as fuck.

Superior Consumer Experience

Google Voice aims to outperform current home agent competitors by offering a product that is easy to use, seamlessly integrated with other Google technology, and sexy AF. If you think Alexa and Siri are sexy, just wait till you get a load of Google Home. Oh baby. It’s gonna leave your genitals feeling so weird (in a GOOD way) you’re not going to know what to do with yourself.

Pleasing Voice

It call help you call cars, order food, schedule a reminder, blah blah blah. Who da fuck cares? The important thing is it sounds even more appealing than that her girl from the Her movie. You know, Scarlett Johansson being all raspy and shit? Now that was the phone that everyone wanted to fuck. It’s not gonna be all shrill and naggy and like, cold, n’ stuff. Nah. It’s gonna be a nice sexy home robot.

And don’t you worry ladies and guys who like guys–you better believe there’s gonna be a nice, baritone option for you as well. We’ve calibrated the exact tone that gets everyone off–somewhere between Javier Bardem and Benedict Cumberbatch. There’s a lot of science that went into this.

New Look

In addition to sounding sexy as hell, Google Home also looks sexy as hell. It’s a nice sleek little piece that can sit on your counter all day, flashing you knowing “come hither” looks. You can customize it with different color combinations, silicone masks, wigs, and outfits, until the outside matches exactly what you hear in each breath of that hot robot voice.

World Class Research

Our research team has spent countless hours developing and beta testing Google Home. We got all of our scientists–from the big old horndogs to the virgin freaks–to test this baby out until they were sufficiently turned on. Oh yea, Google Home is gonna get you nice n’ revved up. ;)

More Fuckable

In addition to having a sexy voice AND a sexy look, Google Home is just going to be more fuckable in general. There’s going to be a big old hole where you can stick your stuff in it, and everyone else honestly can just kind of cram it into whatever orifice you want to–trust us, it feels so damn good.

About Google Inc.:

Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) is a global technology leader focused on improving the ways people connect with information and technology, in normal ways but also sexual ways. They are very turned on right now.


Press Contacts: Honestly we’re probably not gonna be answering any emails or phone calls because we’re gonna be having sex with Google Home, but you can try.


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