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March 18, 2010


Tonight at Trump International Hotel & Tower Casino in Las Vegas, professional boxing ring announcer and former child-star Michael Buffer took a lady-like swing at super heavy-weight boxer Fat Bastard. Fat Bastard absorbed the punch by blocking the blow with his opponent, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s face.

The incident happened when the referee, Jackie Justice, called the two fighters to the center of the ring. Michael Buffer started to chime in with his familiar phrase, “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble” when Fat Bastard stole the microphone and completed the signature phrase adding “You Worthless Cigar-Smokin’ Pussy.”

Fat Bastard pounded Insult Comic Dog’s puny puppet face with two left jabs and a crushing right upper cut, leaving Insult Comic Dog collapsed in his corner like Rocky Raccoon. Fat Bastard then enjoyed smoking the cigar formerly puffed on by the Insult Comic Dog. Fat Bastard leaned over the ropes and proclaimed to the cheering crowd, ‘It ain’t Cuban.’ He then pointed to the front row seats and said to the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, “No offense Mark” and left the ring with the crowd chanting ‘Bass-tard, Bass-tard, Bass-tard.’

The much-anticipated heated showdown between the two fame-seeking dogs didn’t even make it to the opening bell of the first round. “This fight was better than Frazier vs. Ali,” chuckled Donald Trump as he rearranged his comb-over. Trump, who was sitting next to Paris Hilton’s bling-wearing bitch Tinkerbell, said he thought Fat Bastard was in a jealous rage.

The Geico lizard confirmed that Insult Comic Dog had been blowing kisses to Fat Bastard’s date Tinkerbell prior to the fight. “She’s puffed on more than a Cuban,” laughed the Geico lizard, who was seated in the red-carpet section labeled ‘phony-computer-generated celebrities’ and whose only claim to fame was speaking with a fake British accent and interrupting those auto insurance commercials.

Insult Comic Dog’s press agent could not be reached for comment. Fat Bastard’s agent quit and is now representing the Geico lizard.