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February 14, 2017

The tale of where 5 gifts went after they fulfilled their primary purpose in life.

Half a Dozen Roses

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He found himself on the wrong side of town.Having been tossed out to be mulched, he escaped in a strong gale. With little aesthetic pleasure to offer he began “thorning” people’s fingers to make a quick buck. He was picked up by the garbage bureau, selling synthetic fertiliser to a gang of young dandelions

Box of Chocolates


After starting out in life so sweet, this little sugar baby wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time: a type-two diabetics apartment in a loveless marriage. She spent the rest of her days upon the refrigerator, next to a half drunk bottle of Mountain Dew and Sherbert Lemon. She lives in hope of one day being spotted and used as cannon fodder during a desperate attempt at hosting in-laws.

Hand-made Card

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Probably the best off of all the gifts.This little artists remained in a safe memory box, occasionally being picked out and appreciated. This is all until the great flood of 2020 destroyed the garage. Then, they took up their secondary occupation, blocking water from getting to Daddy’s stash of “love magazines”.

A Fancy Dinner


This guy was found on Wednesday morning floating down the Hudson River, mixed up with a Taco Bell from Monday.

Wedding Ring

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This lovely lady spent many years being shown off and ogled at. Until an unfortunate business trip with “Chad from the office” went awry. She now can’t be worn “or Daddy’s grandmother will want her back”.