If the proposed changes to healthcare have you worried, that’s probably because you really need your insurance, which is too bad because you’re probably not going to have it for much longer. But cheer up: here are some tips and tricks that’ll keep you (mostly) alive!
Only text at red lights.
Catch a NEW illness so they can’t say it’s a preexisting condition.
Dr. Pepper is still affordable.
Marry an ambulance.
Eat healthy foods/put healthy foods on wounds.
Get red potion from the old lady in Kakariko Village.
Get elected to Congress.
Ask your homeopath if she carries generic brand quartz crystals.
Rob banks. If you get away with it, you can afford healthcare. If you get caught, prisoners get free healthcare.
Go to the light.