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November 02, 2015
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Finally, Jeb Bush will be allowed to eat his podium.

Following the last GOP presidential debate, advisers from at least 11 Republican campaigns met to create a list of demands for upcoming debates to gain greater control against what they saw as political bias and arbitrary rules.

  • The undercard debate will shed this condescending moniker and instead be referred to as the “GOP Babies” debate.
  • We get to talk about Hillary’s emails now.
  • Each candidate must perform the Planned Parenthood videos as an interpretive dance.
  • Everybody gets to enter the stage on a Hoverboard 360 balance board, one at a time, to individual theme music.
  • Every following debate will start with the candidates bowing to a solid gold statue of Ronald Reagan.
  • Every question for Mike Huckabee will be, “What’s it like being such a big boy?”
  • If he feels like he’s being slighted by the other candidates, Jeb is allowed to eat his podium.
  • Finally, TWO Trumps.
  • Rubio and Jeb must refer to Florida as “my garbage state.”
  • Huckabee finally allowed to dress in his precious Mrs. Doubtfire costume.
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