“A Higher Loyalty” by James Comey
Good Evening America,
I assume you are reading this in the evening because the real world is, in fact, dark and bewildering. Some might say “the night is dark and full of terror.” That is a reference to Game of Thrones on HBO. That is a show about dragons and fighting evil. My publisher said that pop culture references will get your attention. Taylor Swift. Kendrick Lamar. Snapchat. There. Did that work? I NEED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, AMERICA.
I address you as America because I’m hoping by the time this book is released we as a whole nation understand that DONALD TRUMP is not on our side. He is a LIAR who DOES NOT tell the TRUTH because it does not serve his AGENDA. My publisher told me that CAPITALIZATION helps to draw the EYE. Please continue to READ.
If you, America, in unity, all of you, have not figured it out that PRESIDENT TRUMP, a phrase I say with the utmost disappointment and disgust, is a DANGEROUS and FLAGRANT FRAUD, (alliteration and assonance helps with auditory attraction) then I need to be the one to spell it out. Things that are also alliterative: Miss Mary Mack (good), KKK (bad), TRASHCAN TRUMP (Very very bad).
AMERICA, WE ARE IN GRAVE DANGER. Donald Trump fired me because as he said I was “not able to effectively lead the bureau.” But that is malarky, America. MALARKY. What he truly meant was that I refused to swear LOYALTY to DONALD TRUMP like a damn BOYSCOUT. I am no one’s BOYSCOUT. LET ME REPHRASE, I AM NO ONE’S BOYSCOUT NOW. ONCE WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY I WAS IN FACT A BOYSCOUT. WE WHIDDLED STICKS TO SHARP POINTS AND HUNTED FOR SQUIRRELS WE NEVER FOUND. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID FIND? A LIAR IN THE HIGHEST OFFICE.
DONALD TRUMP is a THREAT to Democracy, capital D because it is very important, AMERICA, and also my MOTHER DOESN’T LIKE HIM AT ALL AND SHE LIKES EVERYBODY. My publisher mentioned getting personal will help connect, you, the reader, to my message. Nothing is more personal to me than MY MOTHER. SHE IS A GODDAMN SAINT. HER NAME IS MARTHA. MARTHA COMEY. SHE BAKES BANANA BREAD WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS.
This is the end of the Preface. In the following pages I will speak in depth about the LIES and DECEIT of DONALD TRUMP, DIRTY DIRTY DONALD, as well as a few colorful anecdotes about life in the FBI because it was a VERY FUN JOB THAT I MISS A LOT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? I leave you with this:
DONALD TRUMP, I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT VEHEMENTLY DISCREDIT YOU UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. YOU CREATED THIS MONSTER AND I AM VERY FIRED UP THAT IS A BASKETBALL TERM. SPORTS ANALOGIES HELP PEOPLE RELATE TO A TOPIC. THE TOPIC OF THIS BOOK IS THAT YOU ARE GARBAGE AND I WILL PROVE THIS.
James B Comey