10 Apologies To You From Your Syllabus
I know we have a tortured relationship, you and me. But you gotta know, as your syllabus, I only wanna help. I… I just wanna be your buddy. I know you hate me sometimes, but I want you to know… I’m sorry.
- 1. I’m sorry I’m the reason the professor won’t tell you when the midterm is.
- 2. I’m sorry I take up so much of your print quota.
- 3. I’m sorry I have to tell you to but $500 worth of books you’ll read once.
- 4. I’m sorry that the class will eventually get behind by a day, rendering my schedule useless.
- 5. I’m sorry my revised version will take up even more of your print quota.
- 6. I’m sorry for paper cuts.
- 7. I’m sorry for constantly reminding you of the office hours you really should be going to, but never will, and thus feel bad about your effort as a student.
- 8. I’m sorry for that moment when my staple gets torn out and papers go everywhere.
- 9. I’m sorry for becoming a waded up ball that takes up space in your backpack.
- 10. However, you’re damn welcome for syllabus week.