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February 06, 2018

A thank you letter to Doritos for their new product for women: Lady Chips!

Doritos Lady Chips: A Thank You Letter

Dear Doritos,

Thank you for creating your newest product, “Lady Chips.” It is life changing. You finally listened to the women in the marketplace who screamed against the injustice of overly loud crunching noises and cool ranch residue on their delicate Disney princess shaped fingers.

Thanks to your “Lady Chips” instead of making a fool of myself in my board meeting with distracting crunching, I silently ate your feminine snacks with grace and dignity. When 22 year old Hofstra grad Kevin got the promotion I’ve worked towards for the past 8 years, instead of having to wipe off my orange paws, I could give Kevin the clean and hearty “High Five, Bro!” that he truly deserved.

When the reality that James Franco is probably going to be nominated for an Oscar sunk in, instead of quitting my job and setting fire to the office, I reached into my handbag and grabbed one of your purse sized bags of “Lady Chips.” It truly was the only thing between me and calling my best girl friend and going full Thelma & Louise.

My one complaint is that you should have invented them sooner! I never would have cried one tear over the 2016 election if I had some “easy to open with your manicured finger nails” packaging so I could eat my feelings and numb my hopelessness for women all across the country. After tasting the “Lady Chips” I realized, Hillary really wasn’t experienced enough for the job anyway!

With sincere appreciation,

Daphne “Lady Chips 4 Life” Bennings

PS- Love that they cost $1 for men and only 70 cents for women! So thoughtful!