……Gah!! Well, you never realize how unpleasant having your stomach torn out and eaten is until it actually happens to you. Speaking of which, I’m feeling peckish………might go tear out someone’s stomach and eat it.
Wooooo!! Caught up with my boss today. For 5 years Gary chewed my ass out day after day after day but today I chewed HIS ass out, literally. He ran down the street sobbin'and suckin'in air like a broken chew toy and tried to squeeze through a fence. All that meat was just sticking up in the air and I couldn’t resist. The only way I could describe the experience was……tangy.
Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day. Gotta say, not lookin’ too shabby. Think I could still turn the ladies heads……until I twist them completely off and chow down.
Now I might be the type of guy to dine on a family of four when the occasion calls for it but racist I ain’t. There’s about twenty in our herd and Leroy is the only one of us whose skin is naturally of the darker tone. So anyways, we were out for a leisurely never ending shuffle when we came across a warm meal. This racist, bearded motherfucker, basting in his own oh so salty sweat, charged through us like a madman shoutin’ his war cry “CORAL!! CORAL!! CORAL!!” He took Leroy’s head off with a machete and kept on truckin’! We just stood there groaning in disgust…..well we mainly stood there groaning because we didn’t have a friggin’ clue which direction the Racist Flash ran in but there was definite disgust.
I don’t know if I should be disgusted with myself or not. My anus finally gave way and a smorgasbord of meatbag just hit the ground. I mean, waste not want not, right? Right?
I cannot believe the bullshit that just happened. Found the first meatbag in God knows how long and it felt like we’d only just dug into a nice warm, screaming, writhing meal when he dropped dead and like 60 seconds later, the son-of-a-bitch WOKE THE FUCK UP! He gets up and is all like “Hrrrnnhhh Ggrrrr"which is walker for "Hey, who’s a guy have to rip apart to get a meal round here?” Then I’m like “OH! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. That’s sooooooo funny. I can see we’re gonna get along just fine!”……….Dickhead.
What a bizarre day today was. We were hangin’ out at this meatbag zoo just chewing on the fence, pokin’ our fingers through and drooling at the food when BOOM!! Fence down, grubs up! Kevin, the nut that he is, ate a guy while he was on fire. Good ol’ Kev, always clownin’ around. He’s definitely the life of the herd. Heh heh, geddit?……………..Oooookaaaaay. Moving on. Anyways, food pretty much started serving itself up!
One of the tricky little devils made itself like us and shot down three meals. I haven’t had home delivery for ages so I went to thank her/tear her throat out when she slammed a door in my face BUT then she opened up another door and had a “I’m sorry” gift waiting for us on the floor! Could not believe it. I’ve eaten so much I’d be bursting if my anus already hadn’t. Hey! There she is! Oooo I think she’s gonna shoot us another meal! I really like this wo-……..