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August 16, 2015

How to tell if he's trying to get some or just dying again.

Finding a good man is tough. Am I right ladies? Especially when you don’t know if he’s actually flirting with you or purchasing a one-way ticket to heaven (or hell if he’s a bad boy). Here are some scenarios you may find yourself in where you’ll be able to decide whether it’s time to head to the emergency room or straight to the bedroom.

He grabs his chest and starts to gasp for air.

He’s flirting.

He mentions he’s extremely tired and at one point decides to take a nap in his soup.

He’s flirting.

He insists on you checking his pulse to which you discover he doesn’t have one.

He’s flirting.

He grabs his head and screams “NO”as blood projectile shoots out of his nose, eyes, and ears.

He’s flirting.

He inaudibly mouths, “call 911.”

He’s flirting.

His spirit leaves his body and floats up to the ceiling where it gets stuck in a chandelier.

He’s flirting.

He says, “you’re beautiful.”

He’s dying.

Leanne Vandersnootch is an aspiring cat walker and author of “Survivor: My month trapped in the Amazon warehouse.”