I'm not coming out until the Steelers stop losing to bad teams.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals: Steelers couldn’t hold a fourth quarter lead against the Second Grade All-Stars. Luckily, we’re playing the Bengals. Steelers by 10.
Green Bay Packers at St. Louis Rams: Jeff Fisher isn’t afraid of Mike “Mayor McCheese” McCarthy. Fisher’s got chunks of guys like McCarthy in his stool.
NY Jets at New England Patriots: Rex Ryan has serious mental issues. He’s having delusions of competence. Patriots by 10.
Arizona Cardinals at Minnesota Vikings: I went to a haunted house and saw the Arizona offensive line. Scariest thing I ever saw. Worse than American Idol. Vikings by 7.
Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts: We’ll miss Mike Holmgren and the way he used the draft to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Mostly, we’ll miss the guaranteed victories. Colts by 8.
Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans: No Ray Lewis. No Lardarius Webb. No T-Sizzle. No chance. Houston, they have a problem. Texans by 15.
Dallas Cowboys at Carolina Panthers: What’s the difference between Jerry Jones and Las Vegas? One’s all glitz and no substance. The other is Las Vegas. Panthers by 4.
Washington Redskins at NY Giants: “It’s RG3PO, and he’s holding a thermal detonator!” Redskins by 10.
Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears: The Lions disappeared quicker than Pauly Shore’s career. Bears by 20.
Tennessee Titans at Buffalo Bills: Some Bills aren’t losers – Cosby, Clinton, Dollar, Gates, Mr., Cowher, Cody, but I know 53 of them who are. Titans by 2.
Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers: I watched the 49ers debacle last week. I hadn’t seen anything that bad since Twilight. Seahawks by2.
New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Buccaneers:Sorry, Saints fans. Goodell by 10.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Oakland Raiders: Do you remember when these teams mattered? Neither do I. Raiders by 4.