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February 13, 2017
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This mommy blogger has some revolutionary parenting methods to share with you.

Hi Mommies (and the one dad who asks to see my feet!) It’s time for another mommy blog entry!

Now as you know, I love little Braewyn, but I need my ‘me’ time. More than that, I earned my me time. By being a mommy, the most sacred thing anyone can ever be (and more than that I am a mommy blogger, which is like being mother Theresa compared to the other stinky saints.) I am also the most sacred thing a blogger can ever be: a victim. Namely, of Cheryl Greene’s judgment. Cheryl thinks just because she organizes our mommy & me meetups she has the right to comment on my parenting methods. NO, CHERYL! SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR COLD PRESSED WATERMELON.

I choose to leave my child in a hot car, and it is a completely valid parenting choice! I don’t judge Cheryl for those gross cloth diapers she thinks she’s laundering properly, so who gives her the right to judge me for leaving my precious bundle of joy in my Hyundai Elantra while I go enjoy a bikram yoga class? NO ONE!!

Look, a mommy knows her baby best. And I don’t mean to brag, but I have a SUPER durable baby. Braewyn’s head is like a soccer ball. It’s strong, it’s durable, and it doesn’t absorb much heat. Only I can say what Braewyn can and can’t handle because that is my sacred right as her mommy. Maybe Cheryl’s baby is just a weak pussy. I bet little Kellitha can’t even handle my scorching hot Elantra. Is that my fault?? TOUGHEN UP YOUR CHILD, CHERYL!

Now Cheryl won’t let her fragile little Kellitha play at my house. So as you can see I am the victim here, just because I like leaving my baby in a hot car while I go to my wine tasting class, my macrame class, and my cheese appreciation class. If there is any justice in this world, this essay about what a victim I am will go viral like so many before it and Cheryl will be publicly shamed. So join me, my loyal readers, in standing up, and saying

NO, CHERYL!!!

WE WILL NOT TAKE YOUR ABUSE!!

WE HAVE RIGHTS!!

WE WILL LEAVE OUR BABIES WHEREVER WE WANT!!

Thank you.

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