Over the weekend, the above photo of US Marine Corps Corporal Caleb Earwood and his fiancee Maggie sharing a moment of heartfelt prayer just before their nuptials went viral. But what were they praying for? Here is a word-for-word transcription of their prayers.
BRIDE: Dear Jesus…
GROOM: And His dad.
BRIDE: Yes, and His dad.
BRIDE: Right, God. Anyway, both you guys—we pray to you today to please let our wedding go well.
GROOM: And that we get the Waterford Crystal punch bowl and also those sick paintball guns that we put on our registry.
BRIDE: And that the wedding cake isn’t full of ants or something else gross.
GROOM: Ooh. Good catch, Maggie. Yeah, God—please, no ants in the cake.
BRIDE: What else should we ask for?
GROOM: I dunno—is it like a genie? Do you only have so many wishes, or whatever? Or like an ATM, where you can only withdraw so much each day?
BRIDE: No, I think you can just keep praying as much as you want.
GROOM: In that case, God, I would like to not at all go to the Middle East or North Africa in my capacity as a U.S. Marine.
BRIDE: Good one. Oh, I got one—I pray for eternal life.
GROOM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s walk this back a little.
BRIDE: What? Why?
GROOM: I think eternal life might be some kind of unnatural thing? Like, my first thought is vampires? That kind of prayer might anger Jesus and His dad.
GROOM: Right. God.
BRIDE: O.K., let’s put a pin in eternal life. How about some Jet Skis?
GROOM: Well, what else are we gonna shoot our paintball guns from the back of while drinking punch and doing 60 knots?
[HIGH FIVE SOUND]
BRIDE: Two Jet Skis, please, God! Man, we should probably wrap this up before everyone in the church has a shit-fit.
GROOM: Yeah, I’d like to get away from this creepy photographer, too.
BRIDE: I wasn’t going to say anything, but yeah—is he like a pervert or something? Some perv who gets his rocks off on couples praying?
GROOM: Hit him with lightning, God! Hit this pervert with a big ol’ bolt!
BRIDE: Huh. Nothing.
GROOM: I’m sure God will kill the photographer with lightning later.
BRIDE: Well, Amen to that.
GROOM: Amen. Frickin’ perv.