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150Funny
19Die
2,197
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February 08, 2016
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Those fucking commercials weren't going to grade themselves!

Bud Light? Check. Quicken? Bingo. Doritos? Got it. PuppyMonkeyBaby? On it like unexplainable stains on a 15-yr old boy’s bed sheets.

So while you were all watching the big game, I was busy grading the Super Bowl’s commercials for a website that nobody reads. Honestly, I’ll be lucky if I even get 2,000 fucking crummy views. Most people get to enjoy the ads, throw back some suds and shout at the TV when the team they hate scores again. Not me. I’m too busy critiquing 30 sec ads like a low-rent Roger Fucking Ebert.

If you’re an ad-maker looking for a free pass, think again asshole. I’ll give your multi-million dollar Prius campaign a D- without even aggravating my carpel tunnel syndrome.

Think your Snickers spot won’t get an F+, think again. I’ll flunk your commercial faster than a dog nabs a half-eaten hot dog off your flimsy paper picnic plate.

F-, F+, D-, D, F, F, F … shit … I don’t even have an A or B on the used laptop from my mom I use to type these fucking reviews. So even if I wanted to I couldn’t give your fucking commercial a good grade. Instead I have to shit all over it because I can’t afford to buy my own new MacBook.

Bud Light? Light on the laughs more like it. F. See what I did there? If you think my Super Bowl Ad grades are hella harsh, wait until you see my Grammy’s and Oscars commercial grades. Better pad your fanny, cuz I’m kicking ass and taking names, bitch.

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