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Published March 19, 2014 More Info »
As the search continues into the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, investigators are considering any and all possible causes. Here’s a brief list of what-if scenarios that have gained some traction in the last few days and now are being considered as possible answers to this great mystery. What if the plane’s still flying, circling the airport till the pilot’s favorite song is over? What if the plane was hijacked, but it was just supposed to be a goof, but then it just got out of hand and nobody’s laughing now? What if it’s like that TV show Lost, meaning it’s available on DVD/Blu-Ray Combo Pack and we could just skip to the end to see how this all shakes out? What if it’s like that TV show Lost and there’s a fat guy on the plane who won the lottery? What if it’s like that TV show Party of Five, only Scott Wolf is a pilot on the show or something? What if the plane took a sharp turn because the copilot wouldn’t stop crying and the pilot was like, “I’ll turn this plane around right now!” AND THEN HE DID, but whoops!? What if the pilot was just a stubborn dad, refusing to stop for directions and telling his wife he doesn’t need to stop at a gas station? What if everyone on the plane was playing the alphabet game, but were having a hard time finding a “Q,” so they took drastic measures? What if the pilot just wanted to slip past radar so that he could grab a quick beer with his friends before heading home to his unappreciative family? What if the plane just wanted to keep flying because they were “making good time?” What if the plane turned suddenly because the flight attendants started seeing signs for what seems like a cool outlet mall at the next exit? What if somebody on-board the plane forgot their kid at home because of a series of unfortunate mixups that morning? What if that kid wished the plane would disappear before having to defend his home and order pizza? What if there was a scary old man carrying a shovel, who, it turns out, was actually really nice once you got to know him, except no one told the pilots so they kept being scared forever? What if the plane veered off course because the copilot was horse-playing and knocked over his soda and when the pilot reached over to clean it up grabbed the wheel real hard? What if the the pilot just wanted to take the backroads to avoid traffic, but couldn’t get a signal out there because he doesn’t use Verizon, America's Largest 4G LTE Network? What if this is all just viral marketing for every airline besides Malaysia Airlines? What if this is all just viral marketing for NBC’s About a Boy, which I haven’t seen yet but is maybe about a plane? What if this is another Jimmy Kimmel prank? What if this isn’t another Jimmy Kimmel prank? What if the plane got a flat tire and so the pilot offered to show the copilot how to change it, you know, as a bonding moment, and it was really sweet, but then just as they tightened the last bolt, they remembered they were 30,000 feet in the air? What if the plane crashed because Dad, I mean the pilot, was tired, but didn’t want to let Mom, I mean the copilot, fly the plane because in his family “a gentleman always drives, I mean flies?” What if this is all a preview to the final season of HBO’s The Newsroom?
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