If the internet were a metaphor for the Olympics, Top Content would be the basketball players living on a yacht while all the other athletes have to live in inhumane conditions. Why subject yourself to broken toilets when you could live on a boat with a fully operating sewage system?
Welcome aboard the S.S. Top Content — an oasis in an internet full of sewage! We do all the maintenance for you, so that you can enjoy the best stuff that the internet produced this week. And wow, looks like Funny Or Die won the comedy Olympics again since that’s the only content ever featured in this article! Big congrats to our comedy overlords!
World’s Biggest Asshole with Thomas Jane and Will Arnett
You know what they say about big assholes. They require even bigger butt plugs.
RIP to the biggest butt plug there is, you organ-donating son of a bitch.
Leonardo DiCaprio Texts Jonah Hill About Pranking Him
Looks like Leo is the new Wolf of Taking Jokes Too Seriously, am I right?
13 Other Things Donald Trump Could Use Russia’s Help With
To be fair, changing Donald Trump’s name to ‘Donald the Terrible’ would be a concise and effective way to encapsulate his policies.
Sorry, Your Dystopian Novel Is Too Much Like The Rio Olympics
The real reason the book industry is failing: why read about dystopian worlds when you can just step outside your door and live in one?
26 Things That Can Go Fuck Themselves
Add a 0 and a 1 to that number and you get the ultimate thing that can go fuck itself: 2016.
Sex In Video Games
Sex being so great in video games is the real reason its main demographic consists of mostly virgins. I mean, how could the real-life equivalent possibly be as fun?
21 Best GIFs Of All Time Of The Week #153
No, this old lady isn’t turning 100. That’s just the level at which she is keeping it.
Stay just as hip as this elderly woman by checking out the best GIFs of all time of this week!