God preaches to not kick another man when he’s down, but the good book doesn’t say shit about a man not kicking himself when he’s down. And so Josh Duggar diligently obeyed the Lord, prayed real hard, and the encore to his child molestation charges is that he had not one, but two, Ashley Madison accounts.
Hackers who threatened to release data from the website used to conduct extramarital affairs did so this past week and amongst the many many megabytes of cheaters’ profiles, were two accounts registered by Josh Duggar. Of course, there is a chance that the accounts, one for his home in Arkansas and one for his time spent in Washington DC, where he lobbied on behalf of the Family Research Council, that were both registered under a credit card with his name and associated with the address of his Arkansas home, are purely coincidental and not affiliated with him. But that sort of coincidence would surely be a miracle. And considering that Duggar admitted this afternoon to being unfaithful to his wife and addicted to pornography, it doesn’t seem like he banked on that miracle too hard, either.
The hack released some of the data from Duggar’s profile but not the entire profile itself. Luckily at Funny or Die,we’re tight with some of the top extramarital archaeologists and affair-thropologists to reconstruct what his profile must have looked like.