“Come To Terms”
A Skit by James Chapman
We follow the life of Professor X (referred to as X in the script), just after his engagement to a stunning Scotswoman is called off (she called it off and left with another hero, Captain America) and after an “accident” in which a large boulder was thrown onto his legs crushing them permanently, leaving him paralyzed from the waste down. We find him in America attempting to rebuild his life one day at a time.
However, for X this proves to be a challenge of his will and character everyday, largely due to his day job. His day job is that of being a professor at a recently recognized state college (this is a fluke because the graduation rates happened to be higher for a year or two), which is called Clavingston State College (only for a few years though). He is a Professor of Psychology and Sociology, yet, he teaches sophomore and freshman courses, as he is deemed the most effective “weeder” of the incoming students.
What he finds around him is complete incompetence and absurdism. For him the job is taxing because he cannot scream “IDIOTS! IMBECILES! DECREPID BEINGS!” everyday at work. One day though, he snaps.
SCENE 1: The “Incident”
X, dryly : “Please provide the class with your presentation.”
He points to one student. Reading his mind, he finds that he doesn’t have the report.
X: “Nevermind, somebody else?”
Nobody raises a hand, and after a moment or two a student coughs to break the silence.
X: “No one? No one at all?”
Again, nobody raises a hand. A cricket is heard somewhere…strangely.
X: “Are you all kidding me? Tell me that this is a joke. This is the final examination grade! How could you have not done anything!?!?”
His eye starts to twitch and he grips his wheelchair in fury.
Student: “It wasn’t on the syllabus…”
The student looks absolutely stupid and unresponsive to reality.
X: “Really? Let us all check together.”
X brings up the screen and there is the syllabus. Circled in red, underlined, and starred, is the day’s date. It says “Final Exam Due: Class Presentation on Research Paper”
X: “So, it wasn’t on the syllabus?”
Student: “Not the one you gave us.”
X: “Really?! Let me see this bad syllabus then.”
Student: “Well…I don’t have it on me. I deleted it from my computer today. It was in an e-mail attachment you sent us.”
X: “That is so funny, because I checked all the e-mails I’ve sent you in anticipation of this horror show…and what do you know—it’s the same one I attached!”
X brings up the e-mail with the syllabus attachment on the screen.
Student: “Erm…Well…it wasn’t that clear on the syllabus.”
X’s eye suddenly stops twitching, and he glares at the student. We see the student start to convulse a little bit and then lets out a loud unintelligible grunt and yell and then slumps over. A dribble of blood leaks from his nose and ears. The student is dead.
X: “Holy God! Somebody get the ambulance!”
After this incident, Professor X is recommended to two counselors because the administrators feel that his anger and life goals are detrimental to his health and emotional stability. This is the first scene of the skit, this helps establish some of the monotony that X has to deal with throughout his life now, and how he unfortunately dealt with it one time. Nonetheless, this leads up to the next scene. After this scene there is a title sequence, which effectively leads to the next shot of X, which is of him in his wheelchair in his home.
- This is original material that cannot be used without the consent of the author, James Chapman. -