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June 05, 2017
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"I have a lot of opinions on this new movie. There is a lot I would change. Also, I can't find the exits out of these theater."

I’m a big man who took his daughters to see “Wonder Woman"in IMAX 3D. This movie was good, however, there isa lot that I would change. For example, Hollywood took a lot of liberty with how many bullets it takes to kill a person. Why do I have time to think about how I would change this movie to fit my manly wants and needs, you ask? Well, after the movie ended, I couldn’t find the exit and now I’m trapped in the theater.

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All alone

I’ve been stuck in this theater for over an hour now and have resorted to eating popcorn that people forgot to throw away. In my opinion, Gal Gadot stepped up for this extremely important role. Her performance will be an influence for little girls and women everywhere. The fact that this powerful feminist icon finally got a depiction she deserves is nothing short of spectacular. However, as a man who can’t even exit a movie theater, I wish they would have taken the character in a slightly different direction. First off, Wonder Woman needs to be a dude. C'mon, it’s an action movie. Maybe get Sly Stallone to do it. I think he’s still making movies. Yeah, throw Sly in there and keep the gauntlets and tiara, that part they got right. Strip away the sword (the knife is a coward’s weapon) and the shield (my Wonder Woman is offense only) and maybe instead of the lasso of truth, give him something more practical like an M9 beretta. I don’t know how this version of Wonder Woman would test with liberal Hollywood wazzos but I know it’s what I’d love to see on this screen of this theater that I just can’t find a way out of.

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Little mock up I sketched since I have pretty much given up on the basic task of finding the exit of this IMAX theater.

Don’t they normally have exit signs? My daughters ran out of the theater during the credits yelling “that was so cool” while doing that “X” motion with their arms like the Wonder Woman. I always stick around to watch all the credits until the screen goes black because I’m getting my moneys worth! When the credits ended my girls were gone and now, without their help, I can’t find the exit. I’ve had time to think and I’m tired of this World War One stuff too. Sure, at the time it may have been The Great War, but since then we’ve had a handful of better wars. Like Vietnam. Patty Jenkins did herself a disservice by not making this film take place in the jungles of Vietnam. And that, to a 49 year old father of two who very well might die in a theater because he can’t find the doors, is a fireable offense. I say you bring in a director that knows how to get stuff done. Maybe like a Clint Eastwood. Take the amazing story Jenkins and Gadot told, where the theme is “love conquers all,” and replace it with Eastwood and Stallone, where the theme is “hate vanquishes feelings,” and I think this thing has wings.

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Now THIS is a movie

One last thing, that sweet electric cello theme gave me goosebumps every time I heard it! It really emphasized how bad-ass the character is as she is kicking Germans through windows and breaking guns with one hand. Again though, if you would just take a second to hear a man’s voice for once, they should’ve gone with Guns and Roses playing over the entire movie. Anyways, I’ve tried to call 911 but, without my daughter’s help, I can’t figure out how to unlock my smart phone. I truly have a feeling I will die in this dark, cold, empty theater. But, at least all the world will finally get to know what a man thinks about the movie Wonder Woman.

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