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June 09, 2018
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Sometimes, life gets in the way of having a good time. And most of those times the real reason is BO.RING. Delayed trains? Dog ate your keys? We heard it all before.

Sometimes, life gets in the way of having a good time. And most of those times the real reason is BO.RING. Delayed trains? Dog ate your keys? We heard it all before.

So leave it to us and our friends at Dos Equis to give you an opportunity to make your journey to the party sound much more…interesante.

Use one of these stories next time you’re running behind and people will know - the party didn’t start until you walked in.


  • I woke up handcuffed to a guy in a basement and a little puppet told us the key was inside one of our stomachs. But it turns out he just hid it in the couch cushions.
  • I am starring in a biopic about my own life - today we were filming the time I escaped from a burning helicopter in the sky. I refused to do my own stunts and the shoot ran late.
  • My car transformed into a robot and together we fought a battle against its oldest foe - salt damage.
  • I was at Ellis Island tracing my family’s history. It turns out we are descended from European nobility so I had a fitting for a crown and cape.
  • There was a puppy that needed a home so I helped him find one - a nice ranch-style one bedroom out on Elm Street.
  • This is embarrassing - in two years I invent time travel. I actually came back in time to be early for a different party.
  • I wanted to be fashionably late, so I launched my own menswear line, got feedback from the press on the best pieces, and put them together for my outfit tonight. Anyhow, this is a shoodie - a combination shorts and hoodie.
  • I invented a new algorithm for measuring time based on the metric system and there’s only so many hours in a day, you know? Specifically, 10 hours.
  • I was modeling for the 2019 Hunk of the Month calendar; I’m Mr. July, which is right in the middle and holds the staples in the calendar so I couldn’t miss it.
  • I was sitting courtside during a professional basketball game and the coach accidentally put me in. I had a triple-double.
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