Miami, FL– What began as a fun Memorial Day afternoon at the Coral Park neighborhood pool quickly turned into a long, drawn out nightmare for Mikey Davis, 10, who, after being deemed ‘it’ in the first round of Marco Polo, was unable to successfully tag another player for the duration of the game.
“The pool was just too big,” said Davis, speaking to reporters from a poolside chair where he was waiting on an order of chicken fingers with honey mustard. “I swear, I’d call out ‘Marco’, only to get a ‘Polo’ from what sounded like the other side of the Atlantic.”
At one point in the game, Davis attempted to introduce the idea of ‘underwater radar’, whereby the player designated ‘it’ is allowed to open his or her eyes under the water, on the condition that he or she remains stationary, and furthermore, visibly counts down from five by holding one hand above the water’s surface. The other players, however, staunchly rejected Davis’ proposal, insisting that ‘underwater radar’ was not agreed upon prior to the game’s initiation, and was therefore invalid. According to Davis, that was not the only disagreement over the rules during the course of the game.
“I was under the impression that the deep end was off-limits,” Davis asserted, “but clearly that wasn’t the case. And if you’re trying to tell me that Claudia Binkley’s toe wasn’t touching the edge of the pool when I called ‘fish out of water’, you’re out of your god damned mind.”
He promptly added, “Pardon my language, but it’s utter nonsense.”
After a frustrating twenty minutes of blindly wandering the area of the pool, Davis– whose ‘Marco’ had reached a desperate, high-pitched squeal– decided that enough was enough, and begged for the game to come to an end.
“I opened my eyes, and that was that; it was over,” Davis said, draping himself in an oversized Met-Life beach towel. “I don’t like to think of myself as a quitter, but under the circumstances, I saw no other choice. I guess the moral of story is pretty simple: life can be cruel.”