Full Credits

Stats & Data

July 03, 2012

Jared explains America's "Special Relationship" with England.

So, I'm getting kind of tired of hearing about our "Special Relationship" with England. It's been going ALL WEEK, and it really isn't that "Special". In fact, it's really a lot more like that relationship your "crazy" friend has with his "even crazier" girlfriend. Don't believe me? Check it out:

We first broke up with England in 1776 because of a disagreement over money issues.
Then we briefly g...ot back together for a little while... that was until she remembered why we broke the first time. Then she started fighting about that again only to have it end with her burning down our White House and then storming off back home.

After that, and for the next hundred years, we just got extremely competitive to see who was more successful than the other, post break-up.
Then just to stick it to her a little and also make her jealous, we went out a couple of times with her Sexy Frenemy, France.

And then to get us back, she got into an "on-again/off again" relationship with an older, "more together", yet somewhat dominating German. And when that inevitably turned from mentally to physically abusive, she had to call in both the Ex and the Frenemy to forcibly extract her from the situation... Twice.

But now we have finally settled in to an amicable relationship where we just send out "courtesy" invites to each others weddings, then secretly hope for no shows, as to not make it weird for our current Asian Girlfriends.

But of course, we still gotta keep her as a Facebook Friend, just in case the Asian thing ends up only being a phase, and we need to get the hook-up going again...

So, in Other Words:"Congratulations to the Queen on her Diamond Jubilee!"