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June 24, 2009
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Facebook announced plans Wednesday afternoon for the development of a sister site that will broaden the road of accessibility to people who are "still names without a face.", said Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of the networking giant. "We're the biggest thing out there on the Internet right now and we want to see that continue to grow until we have everyone."

Just how much larger does the number one standing social networking site hope to get? "We're running in fifty-eight different languages world wide and we're working on adding a few more by the end of summer, including 'senior citizen'.", Zuckerberg stated. That's right. Senior Citizen.

Zuckerberg made the decision after numerous attempts at trying to explain 'creeping' to his grandmother. "I want Bubbe to understand what I'm doing. I want her to understand!", he said. His grandmother was present at the announcement today at the headquarters in Palo Alto, CA and afterward she publicly patted him on the head calling him her mekhashef (Yiddish for wizard). "She started calling me that right after I showed her how to use the remote.", Zuckerberg said shyly.

So just what will this new sister site look like? In the earliest stages of it's conception back in 2004 Facebook was quaintly called, The Facebook which is what the company wants to call the senior version. "Old people unnecessarily put 'the' in front of most everything anyway, 'the cancer', 'the McDonald's', so we figured it would already make sense to them.

Facebook has worked diligently in creating a platform so that seniors will be able to communicate better with other seniors, especially in nursing and retirement homes where mobility isn't always an option. "A lot of these old folks are stuck in their rooms sitting in front of windows watching all of the happy people on the outside. We want to give them the freedom to talk to others, especially since a lot of them have families that have forgotten about them.", says Marie Craft, a senior citizen advisor to the company.

The new site will include many of the same features as it's predecessor with only a few slight changes to the format. Seniors will be able to access an application which will let them anonymously chat with nursing staff, thus saving them the implications of unwanted sexual advances. For those incapable of using a computer, a weekly printed version of The Facebook will be directly mailed to their residence; however, due to the costs of printing, the price will be covered by adding bulk ads for products such as The Comfort Wipe and Meatball Magic.

Facebook was kind enough to give us a sneak peak at what the new page will look like. A beta version of it has been up and running at the Sunrise View Retirement Village in Tampa, Florida since May. It features large print and uses terminology that is easily understood by someone of age.

Only time will tell if The Facebook catches on, and from the looks of it, time isn't a luxury this demographic can afford.

The Facebook Senior Site
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