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December 08, 2009


Dear FOD Blog,

Went out to vote today and then shopping.

Spent more time in the supermarket parking lot and in the men’s room dry heaving than any place else, and I didn’t even shoot up today. I felt like Dee Dee Ramone circa his Dee Dee King thang when he was rumored to have more track marks than Keef Richards and Amtrak combined.

I don’t recommend throwing up in parking lots-especially if you are a clean and sober individual like meself (to borrow a phrase from John Lennon) – it tends to attract unwanted attention and scorn. And that’s just from blood relatives and friends. However it can come in handy if you’re hankering to end up on some freakish VH-1 reality show featuring a scolding and reformed Jeff “Greased Frightening” Conaway.
Voted in the MA special election and hate to say it but I once again supported a Republican.

It’s ironic that I registered to vote at a Frank Zappa concert and relished in the ant-GOP lyrics and satire of the Great Zappa, and now have voted Republican in two separate elections. The Democratic Party, especially in Mass. has let me down. And after Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy there are no more real, true progressive democrat icons. I have a lot of respect for Clinton and not just because he was kind enough to accept oral sex favors from subordinates. He was a damn good dem. And what’s more he makes Ann Coulter’s blood boil. And you can’t argue with that.

Speaking of Clinton I wonder how he’s reacting to the Tiger Woods scandal.

Is it okay to call it a scandal now? Or do we have to wait for five more girlbangs to crawl out of the woodwork and talk about how Mr. Gatorade had a thing for fishhooking? His image isn’t going to be rebuilt by pulling the Steve Phillips Sex addition rehab route. I think Tiger’s going to have undergo a sex change or something, or maybe join the priesthood – if they’ll have him at this point -- to rehab his image.

Maybe once Tiger has a mangina he can start thinking endorsement deals again. Although I’m sure he’s still welcome at the "four letter network" where the Human Resources department shows "Blue Velvet" as part of their internal code of conduct program during new employee orientation. "I I heard their employee handbook was co-written by Ron Jeremy."

Do you realize that everytime a media report uses the term “engaged in unsafe sex with multiple partners” you can literally hear the sound of zeros falling from his bank account. Not to mention his sponsorhip deals. Maybe they can create a new line of sports drinks that keep you hydrated AND cure seven different kinds of venereal diseases while quenching your thirst. Instead of “Tiger Focus” they can call it “Tiger F**kus.”