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May 20, 2011

Now you can view porn in the privacy of your own mall, subway, or starbucks.

The Queen of England won over the Dublin doubters who thought the four-day trip to Ireland would simply be an extravagant, expensive tour by an archaic, arrogant monarch. Yeah, apparently she did it by getting “real” with the Irish. In some related news, the Queen of England needs a liver transplant. Guess she got a little too real with the Irish.  

Prices at gas pump painful for 4 in 10 Americans. I had no idea 6 in 10 americans rode mopeds.


In some exciting news, Playboy has launched a digital subscription service for the Ipad where the entire back catalogue of issues can be viewed by the salivating public. No better place to view porn than on the subway I always say. No need to imagine Kim Kardashian’s ass before I frotterize. Starbucks just got more exciting.

Sarah Palin's eldest son, Track, 22, recently married his high school sweetheart, Britta, 21, in a small ceremony in Hatcher Pass, Alaska. Track and Britta, for when you’re thirsty during your workout.  I can’t wait to welcome their children Ramp and Cello.


The Oregon Supreme Court unanimously ruled Thursday that a retired school bus driver can have her medical marijuana and a concealed handgun, too. Don’t get excited folks, I guarantee she turns the gun into a bong. Guarantee it!