Well it's been like a month and a half so I figure I better update my standings with my NYR!
#1. I must confess that last saturday one of my friends asked if anyone has seen the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" which lead to me going into at least a 15 minute tangent on why it's the funniest show on TV! People always yell at me and say "what if that happened to you Mary? Then how funny would it be?" The answer is IM NOT A MORON!! That would not happen to me! When you've been sluttin it up and you dont get your period most people take a pregnancy test! And seriously who doesn't use a condom! If that ever happened to me it would be because I was the victim of immaculate conception..and as my best friend once told me "I seriously doubt Mary that God will choose you as his Holy vessel!" Apparently God wouldn't want the new messiah to have fetal alcohol syndrome! Luckily I created a loop hole in my first resolution...I said I will TRY not to make fun of chicks who didn't know they were pregnant..not I WONT make fun of them. So on resolution 1 I give myself an A-.
#2. Low carb beer...I have not had a Blue Moon once this year!! Unfortunately I've had countless Margaritas and I can't even grasp how many Carbs there are in Jagerbombs and Jack n Ginger! Well once again it's my lucky day and I never said I wouldn't drink anything with Carbs I said Beer so I give myself an A+ on this one!
#3. Oil Change..Totally easy! Just had it done and right on time so take that Dad! A++
#4. I will plug my phone in more often. I have definitley accomplished this with the purchase of my new Smart Phone because I have no Fuckin choice but to keep that bad boy on the Charger whenever possible because those things suck down juice like they're Jenna Jamison! A+
#5. I will dress each day like I might get murdered in that outfit. Well today for instance if I were okay with being murdered in sweats and a sweat shirt I would be golden and I think that I wouldn't be surprised if someone wanted to murder me for looking like this soooooo Solid A!
#6. Fight the Coffee urge! I Mary Olenda Hennessy have not had even 1 cup of coffee this year!!!! This may not sound like a big deal but Me quitting Coffee is Like Amy Winehouse quitting Crack or quitting that Crackhead Blake! Suck It Amy my will power is way better than yours right now!!! A+++++ + + ++
#7. Live Each Week Like Its Shark Week! Another one in the bag! I have not physically bitten any swimmers legs off this year but I've thought about it so that is Shark mentality my friends! A+
#8. I will try not to piss everyone on FOD off all the time..Well guys how am I doing? Not a single person has posted a caption about how stupid I am...and not 1 person has commented my page to tell me that I am a secret Jew or a bitch or anything!! Last year was crazy! Remember Jaymitchell...and Tnert....and who could forget Bigboxer!!! Man do those guys hate me!!! Well Bigboxer did end up kinda loving me because I posted that Blog about him and I think that he liked the attention! I think he was hoping we could have a secret FOD online love affair...The Villan and the Vixen! Unless someone has posted something about me while I was typing this I Will take an A
#9. I will only complain about living in Reno 6 times a day...This could potentially really bring down my GPA! I honestly can't even calculate how much I complain about this hell hole...oops there 1! I really think that I have been to busy with homework to do much complaining accept I may make up for it in my off time which I just spend in Tahoe because there is NOTHING TO DO HERE! Well theres 2 Im gonna have to give myself an F for Fuck Reno!!
#10. I will try to pretend the FOD caption pics are funny at all. I have been trying the last week or so! I even made my way back to the first page...until I got diebombed which is okay! I dont need the win Just the funny votes! Wasn't that a great job of pretending that I mean any of what I just said!!?? See Ive been pretending really Well! I deserve an A
#11. I will Stop having Temper tantrums when I loose at Monopoly! Well there has been a major breakthrough folks the way to prevent this from happening is to WIN which I have not officially done this year but I have it all figured out!!!!! Cheat! I am always the banker so I have the authority and position to steal!! My brother is kind of a Monopoly Real estate Mogul and extremely intimidating ..it's like going to auction against Donald Trump!! The big Flaw in my plan is that I HATE Cheaters and Thieves!! But to keep my resolution I must find a way!! A for effort!
#12. Dont fight with people at the teeth whitening Kiosk. Haven't been to the mall luckily so Looks Like I Just Earned Another A+++
So looks like I get a 4.0! I know there was that whole F problem but I gave myself more than 15 +'s which automatically cancel out an F. And one of my teachers throws out the lowest grade and puts it toward extra credit so I am following his lead!! IM KILLIN IT THIS YEAR!!!! I could get into the Harvard of New Years Resolutions!!
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