Full Credits

Stats & Data

58Funny
19Die
2,343
Views
November 04, 2014
Published
Description

A breakdown of the five biggest wastes of dark money in the 2014 election and what they should have spent that money on instead.

This election season is projected to have cost nearly $4 billion, a new midterm election record! A lot of that money came from organizations that take secret, undisclosed donations — donations the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision made possible. But is that secret money well spent? Could these shady sources have spent that secret cash on better secret things? Lets take a look.


US chamber-of-commerce-logo.jpg

Enterprise is dead, only its spirit remains to haunt us.

U.S. Chamber of Commerce

Total Secret Money Spent: $35,464,243

Who They Are: A lobbying group that represents businesses and industry associations.

What They Secretly Spent That Money On: Attack ads on candidates that want to end “corporate inversions,” where American corporations dodge U.S. taxes by moving their headquarters to other countries.

What They Should Have Secretly Spent That Money On: Developing a chemical that, when inhaled, fools the human brain into thinking other countries are part of the United States.


timthumb.jpg

They definitely could have spent more secret money on their shitty logo.

American Crossroads and Crossroads GPS

Total Secret Money Spent: $26,015,174

Who They Are: A conservative Super PAC and 401©(4) founded by Karl Rove and Ed Gillespie.

What They Secretly Spent That Money On: Candidates that support their platform of making sure Obama gets nothing done, ever.

What They Should Have Secretly Spent That Money On: Just straight up assassinating Obama.


nar.jpg

This logo is bus-stop bench ready.

National Association of Realtors

Total Secret Money Spent: $10,699,423

Who They Are: A trade organization that spends money to support real-estate agents and brokers. It is somewhat bipartisan but spent nearly double on Republicans this election.

What They Secretly Spent That Money On: Candidates that have pro–real-estate interests.

What They Should Have Secretly Spent That Money On: Houses, man. Tons of houses.


patriot-majority-pac-logo.jpg

OK, we get it, Democrats can be patriots too, jesus.

Patriot Majority USA

Total Secret Money Spent: $10,652,302

Who They Are: A liberal 501©(4) founded in 2005.

What They Secretly Spent That Money On: Attack ads against Republican candidates.

What They Should Have Secretly Spent That Money On: Voter fraud.


1024px-National_Rifle_Association.svg.png

The NRA logo depicts an eagle on its way to commit a school shooting.

National Rifle Association

Total Secret Money Spent: $10,584,795

Who They Are: A pro-gun lobbying group.

What They Secretly Spent That Money On: Ads endorsing pro-gun candidates and attacking anti-gun candidates.

What They Should Have Secretly Spent That Money On: A sick medium-budget gun-fu movie that will get us all excited to own guns again. Like Equilibrium 2.


All stats in this article are courtesy of the Center for Responsive Politics’ excellent website opensecrets.org

Advertisement