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October 09, 2014
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Let's cut the crap, everyone.

If Cover Letters Were Honest

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express interest in spending the majority of my time at your company in exchange for money. I hope you find this cover letter to exude confidence, charisma, and remarkable potential. I display some of these characteristics on my best days, but I think the best phrase to describe me would be: passably inconsistent. Here are some reasons why I think I would be a great candidate for this position:

1. I Need A Job

I need a job to pay my rent and bills. You have indicated this job is available.

2. Your Company Doesn’t Sound That Terrible

By researching your company, I have arrived at the conclusion that is it not an entirely terrible place to work.

I am inspired by what your company is doing in the world by offering a job and not being terrible. I think you’ll find my average skills that I have successfully embellished in this letter to be a serendipitous match for your team. I hope to discuss this position further with you later today or tomorrow. Thank you for your time and consideration!

Ready to interview when you are,

Your Future Employee

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