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November 06, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Sylvester Stallone announced Nicholas Cage will appear in "The Expendables 3." You could tell he was excited because you could just about understand what he was saying.

A Dutch newspaper claims Mitt Romney avoided paying $100 million in taxes. A really big accusation to make about someone who's going to become president.

The latest Gallup poll shows a tie between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama among likely voters. Meanwhile, rikery voters are favoring no more awful Asian stereotypes.

Speaking to evangelical Christians, Paul Ryan said Obama "compromises ... those Judeo-Christian values that made us such a great and exceptional nation." Adding, "He hasn't even killed a single Indian."

A Nor'easter may hit the Northeast this week. Or as the media calls it, Manhattan and Brooklyn. 

The cast of "Jersey Shore" will host a benefit for victims of Hurricane Sandy. In related news, the cast of "Real Housewives of NJ" will host a benefit for victims of the "Jersey Shore" Hurricane Sandy benefit.

Meanwhile, a dozen generators meant for the New York City Marathon were reportedly seen sitting in Central Park on Sunday. And you could tell the dad generator was grumpy because he wanted to go to the Botanical Gardens.

A man with a bionic leg that's controlled by his mind walked up the entire staircase of a Chicago skyscraper. Most agree it was a long way to go just to jump off a building.

Russia's foreign minister said that his country is supplying arms to Syria, but only for an "external political threat." And there's no bigger "external political threat" than women and children because, externally, they don't look like a political threat.

In terms of method acting, Sally Field said she and "Lincoln" co-star Daniel Day-Lewis have the exact same approach. Causing Daniel Day-Lewis to method act like he doesn't care how many cool points he just lost.

A new study suggests a link between low vitamin D levels and a longer life. Though the opposite is true of Vitamin C