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January 26, 2017
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How can people say Trump hates women when he's using so many of them as plates?

Now that he’s filled all of his executive appointments, President Trump is hard at work on putting together an entirely different cabinet… his china cabinet!

When dining at the White House, past Presidents ate off of plates or out of bowls like regular cattle. Thankfully, Trump decided to bring a little class, and ass, to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

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One of the dog bowls President Abraham Lincoln used to eat his Kibbles out of.

That’s right. President Trump just replaced all of the White House china a bunch of those naked sushi models.

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Using a person as a dish? Now that’s class!

Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Trump promised to “Make America Great Again,” but he never said anything about making America plate again!

The new Trump china consists over 320 women from across the country between the ages of 18 and 23. White House aides tell us that each piece in the set was hand-picked by the President himself, who went for “all 9s or 10s” with “good bodies, but also good face.” At least there’s one person in Washington who’s not willing to compromise!

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Our steel-nerved POTUS wasn’t distracted by the women’s thoughts, feelings, or ideas. He focused ONLY on how good of a plate she would make!

When they’re not lying perfectly still on a table in front of celebrities, politicians, and foreign dignitaries, their bare breasts, stomach, and thighs covered in California rolls, the women will reside in the White House’s famous China Room, which has been converted into a modest dormitory. It just might be the first thing Trump does in the West Wing that even those snowflake Democrats can’t make a stink about!

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FREE room and board? I thought the Democrats were the ones who are all about handouts!

While most people know body sushi as the dopest fucking way to kick off a bachelor party,“nyotaimori,” the practice of serving food off of a naked woman, actually originated in Japan as a samurai victory ritual. Well, if that’s the case, I hope those ladies like the smell of wasabi, because President Trump is going to be doing a whole lot of winning!

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Looks like Trump is stripping 18 million Americans of their healthcare. Scrub up, ladies!

Traditionally, naked women are only used to dish up rice and fish, but we all know that President Trump is anything but traditional! Staffers said that POTUS wants to make a statement about responsible spending in Washington and intends to use the “not-so-flatware” to serve up everything from pasta and steaks to salads and soups. Drain the swamp and pass the potatoes!

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“B-b-but I want to eat my kale with one fork and my quinoa with another. And I want small businesses to pay for both!” - Sen. Bernie Sanders

Eating dinner off a woman every night might sound fancy, but those closest to the President insist that he likes to eat like regular Americans. On most nights, the White House kitchen will be piling those bare babes high with the The Donald’s fast food favorites, including hamburgers, french fries, and fried chicken. Eating a Taco Bowl off a woman’s foot? Now that’s my president!

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As if a man who eats KFC on a private jet wasn’t relatable enough!

And while his new china will be tough to break, it should “shatter” the idea that that President Trump doesn’t respect women. How can people say that when he’s employing so many of them of them as platters, plates, bowls, and gravy boats?

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Would a misogynist use a woman as a plate? I don’t think so.

Speaking of which, is anyone else getting hungry?

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