Full Credits

Stats & Data

March 09, 2017

Donald Trump goes ballistic.

Now Don, I’m not going to call you Donald, because that’s the name of a duck, and I’m not going to call you “The Donald,” because why say in two words what you can say in one unless you’re an egomaniac who always thinks more of anything is better.

For example, more sex (not better sex), more money (not more charity donations one reason of five why you hide your taxes), or more ego (there’s never enough of that is there Don?)

Besides, do I call my wife “The wife?”

Now Don, you recently flew into a rage in front of family members and demagogue philosophical inquisitor advisors in the Oval Office (you literally blew your top), and Don, maybe this isn’t the job for you.
A man who can’t control his temper with his finger on the nuclear trigger?

One of the prerequisites for being a president is to remain calm in a crisis. You think that trying to hide your Russian involvement by doing a smokescreen accusing Obama of wiretaps is a crisis? As they said in show business, “You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

This is a tempest in a teapot Don.

Now repeat after me Don, when you feel like knocking someone’s teeth down their throat, when you feel threatened and that ever-moist sense of self-pity urge tugs at you, repeat after me Don, “Everybody is not out to get me, everybody is not out to get me. Repeat this 100 times. Now, Don, take deep breaths.

You see Don, if you get angry like this in only your first month when something really bad happens you’re going to have a heart attack.

I can only guess what you said to your Chief of Staff Reince Priebus (would you trust a guy named Reince?) Evidently, his parents didn’t know how to spell “Prince.” And Steve Bannon, the right wing combined equivalent of Rasputin and Andre Vyshinsky, head prosecutor and dungeon master for Joe Stalin at the 1930’s show trials (they believed in alternative facts too Don).

Though the transcripts have yet to be made public, when Attorney General Jeff Sessions forgot and slipped and caught himself being honest by recusing himself from the investigation into your alleged ties with your Russian buddies in the Kremlin, Don, you said something to the effect of, “Goddamn mother….’ (obscenity deleted but usually associated with a pleasant form of procreation).

Then Don, you most likely said swear words some of us have never even heard of before like *%@(^^#@))(^^$#$(&%^^&!!!!!

Is this any way for the leader of the free world to act Don? Or is it the behavior of a selfish, spoiled, petty, malicious, cowardly, whining, self-pitying two-bit punk in a pin-striped suit.

Let’s assume for argument’s sake Obama was wiretapping you because of your Russian dealings. As we all know from the O.J. Simpson case it’s going to be hard to prove, everything is always hard to prove. Almost always every investigation goes nowhere, results in nothing. There is almost always no smoking gun.

You’re the president not Obama. So why bring it up? Why create another crisis (mini petty) though it may be, for no good reason? Nothing that’s going to pay you political dividends, all its done is to intensify interest in your Russian adventures. With all that you’re facing, for example, a North Korean missile hitting Seattle, why needless stir the brown stuff floating in the toilet?

That is…………..unless there’s something really bad you’ve done and need to hide. Something you’re really desperate to keep secret. A person would have to be pretty riled up to make such an outlandish claim.

Now Don, when somebody loses control of themselves it’s bad. When the president does it it’s worse (remember when Nixon slapped around Ron Ziegler the Press Secretary because Nixon was angry at the media)?

Also, when you make an issue of how Arnold the weightlifter screwed up your TV game show it makes me doubt your sanity Don.

I want you to get and read a copy of my soon-to-be-released book, “How to Act Presidential if you’re a Dummy…..Beyond a Mere Scripted Speech to Congress.”

The book will give you advice on how you can act like you have integrity and courage even if you don’t. There are also chapters on maintaining composure, giving off a feeling of warmth when you secretly despise most people, and most importantly, how to act like you know what you’re doing rather than a guy who is not up to the job and who regardless of politics, is in over his head.