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January 28, 2017
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The executive orders you may not have heard about.

Building a wall around the Mexican embassy.

The President insists this is practice for the builders before they head down south.


Anyone with weird accents to be embarrassed 50% more at ports of entry.

Some of the phrasing in the order was : “If they can’t pronounce their L’s try embarrass them by talking quicker.”


An executive order to make all executive orders ordered when Trump clicks his fingers and shouts “do it!”

What follows directly after the click and immediately before the phrase is the title of the order. The rest is to be made up by law-makers.


Establishment of an alternative-facts commission.

The commission will be charged with generating things that sound very impressive. Or as the Trump administration puts it: The Truth


Presidential title change

Everyone must address the president as “Love Machine President Trump” from here on out.

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