Since the awful mass killing of nine people in a Charleston, South Carolina church last week, America has been overwhelmingly focused on removing the Confederate flag from its government buildings. The National Rifle Association would like to say: THANK YOU, AMERICA! Thanks for focusing all your attention during this heartbreaking time on the true killer of people in America: the Confederate flag.
Confederate flags KILL. No, not indirectly, but very, very, very directly. Confederate flags solely and — this is the important part — with no other tools cause deaths. The Confederate flag kills exactly how a knife kills when someone gets stabbed. It’s just simple physics!
The NRA wants America to know that we support the movement to remove this racist killing machine. In fact, the NRA believes we should target this killer of people and nothing else until all Confederate flags are totally removed from every corner of this country. And not only is this the most important problem — it is also the only problem. No need to pay attention to other issues or multitask! This is literally the only life-saving thing we can do. Right now and also forever.
And what if America gets rid of literally every single Confederate flag and still wants to do something more to stop the deaths of innocent people in America? Well, the NRA helpfully suggests America spend its energy removing these other racist symbols that are also killing Americans: streets named after Confederate soldiers, statues of Confederate soldiers, and Stone Mountain. There are lots of those, so that should keep everyone distracted for a while, right? Also, we should see if there are other flags we could get rid of, like repeat-felony-offender flags or untreated-mentally-ill-people flags. Those flags probably exist!
Let’s take a closer look at the statistics. Confederate flags are probably the number one killer of Americans, and until now we have done nothing to stop it. Also, more people own Confederate flags in the United States than in any other Westernized nation. That’s why Confederate flags keep killing thousands of innocent people each year — more than we can keep track of. These hard numbers show that we should be doing more to curb Confederate flag ownership and stop these deaths!
Finally, the NRA wants to give special thanks to the many American retailers, including our good friends at Walmart, who have stopped selling Confederate flags and items bearing the Confederate flag image. To this we say, BRAVO! Stop selling the racist propaganda that is killing people! But please, under no circumstances should you stop selling anything that does not have a Confederate flag on it. Keep selling all those other things you currently sell.
We at the NRA want to see America thrive. For too long we have concentrated our efforts on the wrong thing, and we are happy that we’re finally paying attention to what really matters: NOT GUNS. America, keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t pay attention to anything else!
CEO & Executive Vice-President, National Rifle Association
“Guns don’t kill people, Confederate flags kill people!”