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December 08, 2008


    I love Britney Spears in a place where there's no space or time. I bought the "Baby One More Time" single with a video encoded showing her dance rehearsal and preceded to flip the F out. I imagined tossing my hair a la Ariel in "The Little Mermaid", touching my ear where a microphone would be, all the while telling myself how obsessed with crunches I was ("I do 500 a night, ya'all!").  (Side note: in every blog I write, it will be more and more apparent how much of a ridiculous dork I was/am/will always be.)
    When last year happened, I had to deal with her breakdown through familiar means. The Secret Britney video on my page was for the Dirtiest Sketch Show in LA at UCB, unfortunately I had to edit out the "dirty" part, a homemade vagina made out of bologna slices I flashed to audience. 

    I obs was NOT alone in my Britney infatuation. What is it with girls and Britney? Boys, I get. That chick is holy hell HOT. But for me, it's the slut dancing. If a beat is on, I can't help but shake situations (boobs). Something comes over my body, years of sexually-repressed Catholic schooling courses through my veins and suddenly I'm booty-poppin' like a genuine video-hoe. Slut-dancing is probably one of the top 5 things I like to do in life: eat, sleep, laugh, make-out, booty-pop. 

    Maybe it's the fact I'm Lebanese. For thousands of years us Lebby girls have been belly-dancing our way to freedom. With a smile behind the eyes (thanks Tyra!) and a veil over our head, we secured respect and admiration solely by popping, locking, and isolating our chests, hips, bellies, and arms. I intend to secure respect and admiration through comedy, hence  the following videos, where I kill two birds with one stone.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die