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April 20, 2016
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Our NYC writers celebrated 4/20 and then pitched and wrote these articles.

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DISCLAIMER: all smoking depicted in the article below is of legal tobacco. This article is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to depict actual events, nor do we recommend you do illegal drugs. Marijuana was invented by the Devil to enhance jazz music and destroy families.


Today is the national holiday of 4/20. For the second year in a row (check out last year’s madness), the writers in our NYC office decided to celebrate ;) the holiday and then attempt to pitch and write articles.

See below for the plan and check back to this post throughout the day for progress updates from our “Designated Editor” (colloquially known as the Chronicler).


THE PLAN

  • Arrive at the office at 10 a.m.
  • 10:15 a.m. participate in ceremonial “Ganja Prayer”
  • 10:30 a.m. pitch meeting begins
  • 11:30 a.m. articles are assigned
  • 1:00 p.m. first articles are due / lunch break!
  • 4:00 p.m. second articles are due
  • 4:20 p.m. participate in afternoon ceremonial “Ganja Prayer”
  • 5:00 p.m. see who is still awake

PROGRESS UPDATE / HOW THINGS ACTUALLY WENT

10:00 a.m. - only 5 of 20 employees are on time

Thank you to Nathan Maggio, Nate Dern, Zack “Fort Builder” Poitras, Josh Brown and Jason Flowers for being on time. Sorry, this update is sort of narc-like.

Fun fact: one of the five employees here already smoked tobacco when they woke up this morning!

10:22 a.m. - people start to trickle in and are mostly discussing how yesterday’s NY Primary went

This New York Times article shows how each neighborhood in NYC voted:

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Look at that blue and green. We all agree that this is very cool because we like data.

10:28 a.m. - people start gathering in “Fort 20”

The fort was built by Zack Poitras for the second year in a row out of cardboard, tape and imagination.

Exterior:

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This cardboard domicile takes up approximately 1/8th of the square footage of our office.

Interior:

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These writers are ready to celebrate 4/20.

Fort 20 architect Zack Poitras:

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Fort 20 Creator Zack Poitras. He literally stayed over night in our office last night to finish it. He slept in our office. He woke up to the sound of very loud pigeons outside our window. This man is committed.

10:41 a.m. - several writers just decided to buy tickets to an “Explosions In The Sky” concert.

10:51 a.m. - we started playing nature videos from the Apple TV.

10:54 a.m. - writer Matt Klinman starts off festivities with the traditional “Ganja Prayer”

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Notice the Matt Klinman effigy above his head.

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“Ganja Man” smoking a cigarette

10:55 a.m. - the first tobacco flavor that we are smoking today is called “Candyland.”

Ganja Shaman Matt Klinman described this tobacco as “the harshest thing we’ll smoke today.”

11:01 a.m. - writer Langan Kingsley remarks that “this is exactly what all of my uncles think I do all day in New York.”

Other writers agree.

11:10 a.m. - our web developer Sophie told us a story about how she got a ticket for puking in between subway cars on her commute this morning.

Now we’re sharing cop stories.

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Beautiful Fort 20 interior panorama taken by Nathan Maggio.

11:15 a.m. - Managing editor Dan Abramson plays a video from former writer John Harris where he shares his thoughts about Steely Dan.

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John’s video was a very dry 4 minutes and 20 seconds of his thoughts on Steely Dan.

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John Harris both loves and hates Steely Dan and on 4/20 he has lots of opinions about them.

11:20 a.m. someone just put Foo Fighters’ “My Hero” video on and many of us are very stoked.

11:24 a.m. - half the group is talking about improv team names and half the group is talking about Nintendo DS video games.

11:25 a.m. - Writer Ben Wietmarschen says, “If anybody feels strongly about something, they should do it.”

He was talking about what music to play, but it also applies to the day as a whole.

11:30 a.m. - writers are instructed to go take a few minutes to gather their thoughts and then reconvene for our pitch meeting.

11:55 a.m. - our short break is still going on. Snacks are being consumed.

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The Entenmann’s party donuts have been polished off. Still a lot of Entenmann’s Devil’s Food cake left though.

12:08 p.m. - Pitch meeting begins in the conference room!

We’re only starting 98 minutes late!

12:16 p.m. - We got everyone in the conference room, but pitch meeting hasn’t quite started.

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We have ALMOST started the pitch meeting.

12:20 p.m. - Pitch meeting starts!!!

  • MK: Echoes Beyond The Infinite Is A Cool Music Video
  • MK: The Story Of The Cops Busting Us
  • -Surveillance photos of Fort Twenty via telephoto lens
  • -Use lens from both sides (Both points of view)
  • -Next step: Naps
  • -LK: rival internet company is spying on us
  • -KR: Laughing squid, acid cow
  • JF: Can I Think Of 420 Without Google?
  • -ND: No spell checking
  • -Ask Rachel to write all of them
  • -MK: Periscope that
  • NM: Photoshoot: Everyone Makes An Animal Face
  • BW: How Much Can You Air Drum In Public Walking Down The Street?
  • -DA: And what song brings out that much funk in each person
  • -KR: Add photo of everyone
  • JN: My Pitch Is That We Watch This Rihanna Video
  • JF: What If We Pretended To Do Rihanna Branded Content
  • ND: We Play Pandemic Legacy
  • ZP: I’ve Been Wearing Two Hoodies! I Pranked You!
  • ZP: What Is A Tree? Know What I Mean
  • ZP: Monkey In A Maze Video
  • ZP: An Article About How I Love The Portland Trail Blazers
  • MK: Is Shaq Mister Basketball?
  • LK: A Talk Show Where You Interview People From Behind A Pane Of Glass
  • SA: Cursor’s Playground
  • -MK: Cursor’s Battleground
  • -LK: Literal Playground
  • -MK: Cursor’s Palace Is Where You Chat
  • -ZP: Should have little tables and chairs
  • -DA: You Save CURSOR THE PRINCESS
  • -NM: You eat a burger and the cursor gets a little bigger
  • -LK: Make over your cursor
  • -ZP: Classic cursors
  • -MK: Cursor’s Halloween (Cursors dress up)
  • JN: People Cut Hair Here Sometimes
  • ZP: Everyone Buys A Domain And Makes A Website
  • DA: Write The Novelization Of Back To The Future From Memory
  • LK: Recap New Yorker Articles I’ve Read
  • LK: Top Five Foo Fighters Video
  • LK: List All Local Celebrities From Portland We Can Think Of
  • LK: We Write An Episode Of Castle
  • LK: Women Lance Armstrong Would Date
  • KR: Live Blog Video Games With Jenny
  • KR: Rewrite The Lyrics To Piano Man About A Piano Store I Know
  • KR: A Beautiful Woman Saying Beautiful In Every Language
  • MK: Rank Animals By Their Souls
  • MK: Tool Time w/ Guest Ben Wietmarschen and God
  • MK: High GifCap Article
  • JF: 11 Vines Of FOD Staff Members Trying To Say The Pledge Of Allegiance In 6 Seconds
  • JF: Christmas Carol For Halloween
  • JF: Who In The Office Can Build The Tallest Stack Of Chicken Nuggets
  • NM: Get On Board With These Cool Vines
  • BW: List Of All Time Best Music Videos That I Decided In Ten Minutes
  • BW: Is Shaq The Most Recognizable Athlete Of All Time?
  • BW: Best way to win the championship: Hitting a homer, making a 3 point shot, or catching touchdown pass? (Last second hat trick?)
  • BW: What Is Everyone’s Most Comfortable Sitting Position?
  • BW: We Should Have Evolved Past Cars By Now
  • JN: Video Game Review Corner
  • JN: Photos: Best Poses For Holding Nora
  • JN: Oral History of Office Haircuts
  • JN: Best Words To Describe Coffee But Not In A Pretentious Way
  • Asides
  • BW: Wedding Crashers 2 “It’s Women This Time!”
  • LK: \\\#notallghostbusters
  • JF: Would you watch and all male Steel Magnolias?
  • BW: I love Jimmy Eat World
  • MK: Kelly Clarkson ripped off The Middle

Ed note: It’s 1:51 p.m. Our chronicler, Nate Dern, got sidetracked making pancakes for the last hour. The first batch he used a mix with water and they were fine. The second batch he used the SAME mix with MILK, and the results were significantly better.

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Silver dollar pancakes!

Ed note: It’s 1:54: Nate is now making smoothies.

Ed note: UPDATE! It’s 2:30 and Nate is still making smoothies.

3:22 p.m. - Hey internet, this is Designated Editor Nate Dern, back from a little stint making silver dollar pancakes and smoothies. Turns out, I might have been a little too close to my co-workers smoking tobacco and might have gotten a little second-hand, contact-buzz. I’m ready to update this again though.

3:23 p.m. - Our first article of the day is now online! Congrats to writer Ben Wietmarschen for being the only productive person so far today: “High Article #1: 10 Best Music Videos I Could Think Of In 10 Minutes List

From the article:
“I’m going to start the timer at 10 mins and try to make a top 10 music videos of all time list. I can only go on youtube (no googling other top ## lists, etc.), just all off the top of the dome. Also, I have to name 10, not having 10 music videos listed and linked by the end of the 10 minutes is the only way I can lose. 321 go!”

3:30 p.m. - “High Article #2: The Best Dancing Vines: Get On Board, They’re Fun!!!

3:41 p.m. - “High Article #3: 25 Words I Can Use To Describe Coffee Without Feeling Pretentious

3:49 p.m. - “High Article #4: Pics of People Lance Armstrong Probably Would Find Attractive

4:01 p.m. - Fort architect Zack Poitras took over the Funny Or Die snapchat. Go check out his Snaps if that is something you do.

4:05 p.m. - As per tradition, we film another episode of “Cribs: Fort Twenty Edition”

Zack Poitras delivering a speech about the importance of today.

This is tripping us out.

4:10 p.m. - People gather in the fort to prepare for 4:20

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These dudes are chill.

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This is Sophie’s Nintendo DS corner.

4:20 p.m. - It’s 4:20 p.m.! You know what that means!!!!

Oh. Everyone is sort of distracted or busy. Maybe we’ll all get together in a few minutes once our focus returns.

4:31 p.m. - “High Article #5: Yo, GIFCap Is What You’re Looking For

5:10 p.m. - “High Article #6: The Novelization Of Back To The Future From Someone Who’s Celebrating 4/20

5:16 p.m. -“High Article #7: 2 Beautiful Girls Say Beautiful In Every Language

This one is actually a video:

6:24 p.m. “High Article #8: Home Run, Touchdown, Last Second Three. What Is The Best Sports Experience?

6:34 p.m. “High Article #9: It Is 4/20 & I Turn Thirty in Two Days So Here Are My Thoughts

From the article:
“It’s 4/20 but it’s also two days from my thirtieth birthday. I thought I take a moment and reflect on how I feel. First of all, turning thirty looms large for whatever reason. Actually now that I think about the prospect of turning thirty is what finally made me start doing therapy. I like therapy but I don’t know if it makes me feel any better about turning thirty. There’s a sense of finality that I’ve never really felt before–like this is a BIG birthday. Does that make sense?”

6:43 p.m. “High Article #10: Celebrate 4/20: Let A Great Stranger Do Your Hair

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6:52 p.m. - Most people are in Fort 20 watching Star Wars now.

6:54 p.m. - Earlier today we had an idea to go across the street and take some videos and photos of us through a window. Here is one of those photos:

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7:01 p.m. - People are sleepy.

7:02 p.m. - “High Article #11: Tool Time Podcast Ep 3: God And Ben Wietmarschen

7:05 p.m. - People are going home. The Second Annual Funny Or High 420 Day is officially over.

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