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Published August 18, 2009 More Info »
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Published August 18, 2009

Millions of people a day are trying to become gainfully employed and that same million are smoking more weed on a daily basis than Phish smoked on a whole tour.  Probably not that much pot but enough to have you unemployed and stereotyped.  I am currently, as I type, detoxing myself from pot for a drug screening, and it blows big, slimy horse cock.  Insurance companies give cheaper rates to businesses if they just make their potential canidates take pre-employment drug screenings.  The problem isn't pot heads in the workplace; it's all politics, baby.
I have been trying tobecome gaingully(whatever that actually means) employed for the last 2 weeks since my shit head job fired me for telling it how it is....and repeatedly calling out. Ok, I used up my 2 weeks of vacation within the first 2 months of the new year, but hey, all that beer ain't gonna drink itself nor is that joint going to light and smoke itself(because if it did, it would owe me like 20 bones).  Anyways, none of that is important, but what is important is the insanity of drug testing.  Let me paint a scenario here to give a good idea of what drug testing does and does not do.   Let's say you are  a welder doing some manly ass shit with a torch and some welding material.  You need a firewatcher; a trustworthy, reliable worker who can just stand there and watch you get your bad ass Steve McQueen on.  The dude firewatching for you is....let's say....a heroine addict who tends to not be able to control the habit even at work.  Let's just say, for all intensive purposes, that your firewatcher  shot a dose of heroine that would make William S. Burroughs go, "OH SHIT! THAT WAS A FUCK-TON OF JUNK YOU JUST SHOT INTO YOUR ARM!" And Billy B shot a lot of junk...even wrote a book about it.  You're welding away, sweating like AL Roecher eating a  BK Quad Stacker 3 years ago, and you don't notice that the sparks from your welding have been landing on a 200 gallon vat filled with vodka and doused in gasoline.  Your firewatcher has not noticed either because he nodded out 8 minutes ago and his eyes are rolled back in his skull! The whole place blows up killing everyone. It's a tragedy....that could have easily been avoided by letting a pot head pass the drug screen as opposed to a dopey dope headed dope.  Cause if it were a pot head firewatching instead of a junkster, then it would have been a bang up job.  Shit, just give the pot head some cheetos, ring dings, ring dings filled with cheetos, and put a tv near the welding site that constantly plays episodes of The Young Ones.  
Millions of pot heads a day are denied employment everyday because of failed drug screenings.  Millions of junk using, pill popping, child molesting Republicans gets employment because that shit leaves your system in like 3 days(not sure about child molesting and republicanism but im sure they are easily cured).  From one pot head to another; Let's end this drug testing nonsense and prevent more tragic welding explosions from ever happening. Say no to junk and fuck yea to skunk.

-CoryShawnMagicJuan

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