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February 12, 2016
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"This frozen tasty treat fucked me over, I'll vow to make sure it never happens again."

You’re not alone if you don’t have strong opinions about Marco Rubio. One often looks at the presidential hopeful and thinks, “oh yeah.”

Despite polling decently (what a tagline!) during the Iowa primaries, he’s been flailin’ around since then and hasn’t been quite able to harness that brief surge into natural interest. He’s also getting a lot of flack about his impersonal campaigning and being a robot on the election trail.

This week that changed. It changed because Rubio did something we can all relate to. He was a victim to something that has betrayed us all. Candy. He broke his tooth biting into a frozen Twix bar. The shame.

Never have I related to Rubio more. He should change his whole campaign to the single issue of not being harmed by candy.“This frozen tasty treat fucked me over, I’ll vow to make sure it never happens again.”

If he runs on that, he has my vote, no questions asked. A hard stance on hard candy, that’s what this country needs.

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