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June 09, 2013

Daniel "Jellybeanz" Long will someday be missed by all.

Daniel “Jellybeanz” Long, 99.84


Jellybeanz, 99.84, passed away on June 6, 2087 at his summer home on Saturn’s Calypso moon.

He was preceded in death by his 9 ex-wives: Samatha Jenkins, Rosalina Ricardo Rodriguez, Laquisha Holmes, Rosie O’Donnell, Beth Cornell, Lo Pei Ping-Pong, Stacy Von Hindledong, Tess Tickle, Rosie O’Donnell again, Rachel Thompson (now Rick Thompson), Girltron (robot), and Sally Wiggins.

He is survived by his 11 children: Keagan Nass, Sam Burger, Rick Cups, Pete Zapie, William DaMass, Sontron (robot), Daniel Long Jr., James Bond Jr., Don Long, Ron Long and Long Long.

Jellybeanz worked as a newspaper reporter before he branched into the Gumball sales industry where he made his fortune.

Jellybeanz was thought of by his friends as a jack of no trades and a master of dumb.

In his later years, he enjoyed flying around space in his 2080 Chevy Meteor Wagon near what was once considered the planet Pluto, as he never recovered from it losing its title.

Friends and family of Jellybeanz will be received at the KFC/Taco Bell/Funeral Home located at the Miley Cyrus memorial mall at Frankenberry Heights, Mercury, from noon to 5 p.m. 

Send all proceeds to the robotic dinosaur foundation at 611 Sabretooth Blvd., Dunkaroo City, Jupiter, 11344.