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September 11, 2015
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Serena Williams lost her semifinals match at the US Open today to Roberta Vinci. We aren't saying it's some Italian curse Vinci put on her, but probably.

TGIF! That stands for “Thank God it’s Friday” on most days, but not today. Today TGIF stands for “Tennis Girl Is Fallen.” No, it’s not grammatically correct or anything like that but guess what, we’re fucking grieving over here and when one grieves they tend to drop precautions normally reserved for speaking good.

Our tennis girl, nay our tennis Goddess, has fallen. Serena Williams lost her match today in the US Open semifinals to some Italian principessa named Roberta Vinci, who, it should be noted, is not dating Drake. This means Serena will not be a Grand Slam winner and yes, this is a valid reason to grab a beer after work and take Monday off.
It should also be noted that Serena losing a match at the US Open happened after she was told by an Italian reporter that she should smile and laugh more. Now this is just a lil conspiracy theory I’m cookin’ up over here in my cauldron of grief and misandry serum is that it ain’t no coincidence that both the reporter and this Vinci chick are Italian?

Maybe they got Serena to smile and it took away her powers or they used some Italian voodoo to get in her head and fuck up her game? Perhaps they performed some traditional Italian clowning to get a laugh out of her? Whatever it was, it surely wasn’t that Williams and Vinci played a fair game and Vinci came out on top. That I refuse to believe.

Go out and cope however you need to tonight and this weekend. Throw a few drinks back and tennis balls out. We shot for the moon, folks, and we landed amongst the stars. And by we, I mean Serena Williams and the Royal “We” that is us, her fans. Also, we still have Drake. We’ll always have Drake.

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