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Published November 13, 2008 More Info »
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Published November 13, 2008

Well, you guys, it's been fun.  The week after the groundbreaking election is now coming to an end, and with it the inevitable return to political apathy.  Don't pretend to fight it.  We were all caught up in the election moment, and now we're spent.  It's the feeling guys get right after sex.  That one moment we don't want women to know about. The only moment that we're not thinking about having sex.  Only, this political post-coital abyss can last for years rather than seconds.

No matter who you supported, Obama and McCain really got some blood flowing, some of it even boiling.  We debated with friends, co-workers, and family members we may never have discussed politics with before.  We spoke like we were experts, even when our facts came from Stephen Colbert or a ranting hobo outside Pinkberry.

But now it's over.  We had our fun.  We hung signs, we made calls, we went door to door.  But it was a political fling.  Now we're back in our own world.  The one where we hope the guy in charge does the right thing, but if he doesn't, what the hell can we do about it for four years anyway.  If there's a juicy enough scandal, someone will let us know.  If Joe Biden gets pregnant with Michelle Obama's baby, they'll interrupt "Two And A Half Men" to tell us.  But if the unemployment rate goes up and millions of people are without healthcare...  ah, someone in D.C. will deal with it, right?

NO, PEOPLE!!  America won't be your one night stand!  You got turned on by this election.  Barack Obama flirted, wooed, and swept you off your feet!  Yes, you had a sweaty, passionate night together on November 4th, but you gave him your real phone number, so you cannot pull your usual ball-n-bail with this one!  You need to call him.  None of this "I need to wait a few weeks so he doesn't think I'm desperate!"  You are desperate!  This President is a catch, and you've been too lonely for too long. (I'm not counting that last loser you were with.  What was his name, George?  He was a dud and you knew it.)  I just can't watch you let this one go.

Call this Barack guy.  Tell him you had a great time last Tuesday night.  He knows you give good ballot, now tell him that watching him on TV makes you want to inaugurate.  Listen to his fears.  Soothe them.  You both want this thing to work, so in the immortal words of Feldman, Heilbron, and Garofalo, "Don't fuck it up!"

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