My first job was as a part-time Domino's pizza delivery dog. I succumbed to temptation and ate all the pizzas stacked neatly in my red Radio Flyer wagon. I was fired and left homeless during the harsh winter of 2008. But, I overcame obstacles, bouncing back like a resilient Pokey toy. Here's my press release:
AUSTIN – April 4, 2008 -- Two Tail and Eight Paw Productions, Inc. today announced Buddy Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” was fired for woofing down an Ultimate Deep Dish pizza on the job. “Hey, it was the fourteen-inch -- all meat,” barked Buddy.
The seventy-three-pound Beagle suggested discrimination played a vital role in his firing. "Domino's executives own Labradors," cried Buddy.
Buddy claimed he had been both a loyal customer and delivery dog improving the pizza chain's image for three days.
"To borrow a quote from my hero Lester in the Oscar-winning movie American Beauty, 'I'm looking for a job with the least amount of responsibility,'" snapped Buddy in retaliation.
Domino's executives would not comment on the issues surrounding Buddy's sudden departure. "Whimps! Pizza whores! I have a new job as a refrigerator repair dog starting Monday night," yelped Buddy the Beagle. "No, wait, that's a football night."###
* fictitious humor
** photo by www.smallwoodphoto.com