I was at an actual bookstore yesterday... looking for an actual book with actual words in it, and must have spent the better part of half an hour searching for the appropriate section only to finally find it hiding behind the fourteen, count them, fourteen shelves of an area labeled "Teen Paranormal Fiction." Does a shitty, unpopular novel automatically become a shitty, popular novel just because your publisher told you to put vampires in it? Am I missing a market for rewriting Shakespeare with werewolves and shape-shifters instead of Montagues and Capulets? It would be an easy way to up our nation's culture quotient, that's for sure. And if for some reason you think that vampires are sexy, conflicted creatures... check out "Nos Veratu" next time you're at a Redbox. Indeed, it appears as if the days of following a pair of latent homosexual brothers as they travel around the country solving mysteries is over. I'm sure that the Hardy Boys are holed up in a trailer somewhere, throwing empty bottles of Natural Light at the TV every time a preview for the new "Twilight" movie comes on. Don't be bitter, Joe and Frank, it's not your fault that you're as human and uninteresting as the rest of us. If I had a mystery that needed to be solved you guys would be the first... well, near the top of the list of who I would call, somewhere after Scooby Doo, Encyclopedia brown, and Daffy Duck when he's in detective mode. This I hold to be self evident: If you're in the "Teen Paranormal Fiction" section of the bookstore and you're not a teenager or a paranormal entity... you've got issues, man.